“You sure?” His eyes darted to the side, and then he pulled me closer, and ooh, yep, I felt something beneath his jeans, which made me tremble a bit. “Fuck, you’re sexy,” Shaw said, and I almost swallowed my tongue, feeling like I was in some parallel dimension. Then Danny stepped up, and I realized what Shaw was doing.
“I’m gonna head out, Eli,” Danny said.
“With Garrett?”
“Nah, he left with a friend of his.”
Fuck, I knew I hated the guy. What a prick. “I’ll go with you. You can come over if you want.” I pulled away from Shaw.
Danny’s eyes darted to Shaw, then back to me. “Yeah, okay.”
I turned to Shaw, not sure what to say. Danny was still standing there, and I figured I owed Shaw some gratitude for what he’d done, or tried to do, but it wasn’t as if I could say it at the moment. “I’m tired. I’m gonna bounce. I’ll, um…call you?” Because that didn’t sound obvious at all.
“Okay.” Shaw winked.
I lingered for a moment, not really sure why, but when Shaw cocked a brow, it snapped me out of whatever trance I was in.
Danny and I walked away, and when we got out to the street, he said, “You know what? I think I’m going to head home. I’m tired. Is that okay?”
“Yeah…yeah, of course.” Disappointment stung me.
“You can go back in there with Shaw—which we need to talk about later.”
Please be jealous, please be jealous, please be jealous. “I might.” Not.
“Love you.” Danny kissed my forehead, then walked away. For a second, I considered going back in and talking to Shaw, but I needed to sort out all the shit in my head first. I was a bit of a mess. I didn’t know what to think about Danny, about Danny and Garrett, or about Shaw.
When I was home, showered, and in bed in my underwear, I grabbed my laptop.
Charades & Sexcapades
Advice & Thoughts on Love, Dating & Sex
I’m a bisexual man with a plethora of experience in sex and dating. Lots of thoughts on love, one being that I want nothing to do with it for myself. I understand that others want to jump headfirst into misery (a.k.a. Love), so I give advice on that too.
There was a message from a guy in a small town, who felt alone. My chest tightened as I read it, before moving on to Shaw’s reply.
Dear Lonely in Rural America,
I read your email numerous times before I could respond. I’m sorry for your situation. It breaks my heart that you feel so damn alone. At first, I felt odd talking about this in public. It’s one thing to discuss sex, but this is intimate in a different way. Then I realized that this isn’t just your story; it’s a lot of our stories, men and women who are hiding a big part of who they are for fear of rejection.
So yeah, I decided it was important to do this publicly, and I’m also going to turn on comments, because again, though it might feel like it to you, this isn’t just your story. You’re not alone. I promise you that. And even if there are those out there who don’t know this pain personally, we get it, because we’re queer. None of us have the exact same story, but we do share that one part of ourselves with each other.
Let’s tackle the part about your virginity first. I’m about as sex positive as you can get. If people want to have sex, they should go for it. As much as they want and with whoever they want (as long as there’s consent and no cheating). Sex is fun, and it’s a way to connect you to another human being, even if it is a hookup. That being said, don’t rush. Are you sure you’re ready? Is this something you feel you have to do, or something you want to do? Is it because you’re lonely? I would hate to see you get hurt. That’s why I bring it up. Because as fun as sex is, it means different things to different people, so you need to look inside yourself and see what it means to you. Sex won’t make you less lonely, or less shy, or less alone. It can actually amplify those feelings.
And if you do find someone to hook up with, please, please, please be safe. I understand if you don’t have anyone in your personal life you can tell where you are and who you’re with. If not, I’ll be that person, okay? Because safety comes first. I’ll email you separately with a way to get in touch with me.
Have you looked into queer organizations or spaces around you? I know you’re rural, but how far is a city? Do you have transportation? That might be a way for you to get out and meet people, make friends. I know it’s hard, but these are your people.