Stupid Love (Stumbling into Love 1)

It was a disaster, and I still couldn’t understand why Shaw had agreed to do it. I was freaking out every time I acknowledged what I’d agreed to.

That led me to do what I often did when I was confused: go see my mom.

Which, yes, was maybe childish and strange, but my mama was a strong woman and I was her only baby. She didn’t take shit from anyone, and I’d always loved that about her. Just being around her made things better.

It took about forty-five minutes to get to my hometown. The population was at around thirty thousand, and continued to grow each year, so not big, but could be smaller. People still knew everyone and went to the same churches, even though there were almost as many to choose from as there were people. My high school had been both small enough that I stood out and big enough that I could be forgotten.

It was around ten when I pulled into the driveway. Dad was outside, mowing the lawn. He looked up and smiled at me. His blond hair and blue eyes gave him a boy-next-door look, and he had been that all his life. He was quarterback in high school and played a little in college before he got hurt. Now he was in marketing. It had been a little hard for us sometimes. He hadn’t ever considered that he might have a gay son. He loved me and supported me. I would never doubt that but there was always a part of me that knew he wished I were different. That wished that even if I was gay, I was a little more like Danny gay, and not gay gay. Guys with even the slightest bit of femininity always got the worst of it.

Dad turned off the mower. “Isn’t this a surprise!”

“Felt like coming to see you guys.”

“That’s good. Your mama will be happy. I need to finish up here. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

I nodded and headed toward the house. We were an average middle-class family, lived on a cul-de-sac, in a two-story house that looked perfect from the outside, was pretty good inside, but like every home, had its secrets.

I opened the door, and Mom looked up at me from her chair. She had half her dark hair tied back, a quarter of it in individual box braids, and was twisting her fingers on a new one.

Her eyes lit up when she saw me. She was, and had always been, my biggest supporter. I loved her more than anyone in the world. “Hey, you! Didn’t expect to see you today.”

I walked over, hugged her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Hey, Mama. You haven’t done your hair in a while.”

“Didn’t feel like messin’ with it.”

“So you’re spending ten hours braiding it?” I teased.

“You know what I mean.”

I sat down on the couch across from her. This was the house I grew up in. Until I moved out, I never knew what it was like to live between walls other than these.

“What are you doing home?”

“Don’t know. I missed my mom.”

She smiled as she tied back the rest of her hair. There was a silk cap on the arm of the chair, which she slipped over her hair. “Well, come on, then; let’s get to it.”

Mom loved baking, and it was one of our favorite things to do together. She said it relaxed her. “Only if I get the bowl when we’re finished,” I replied, already standing.

“Boy, you’re pushing it. You got the bowl last time.”

“Yeah, but you love me and you’re excited to see me.”

She laughed and playfully rolled her eyes. “I get one beater.”

We decided to make a chocolate cake. Mom always had stuff for baking in the house, so we had choices. Once we had our hands washed and began, she asked, “How’s Danny doing?”

I bit back my groan. Thinking about Danny was too weird lately, and it also made me think about Shaw, and I didn’t want to think about Shaw. There also wasn’t a bit of shock in me that Mom had asked. She was a big Danny supporter. “He’s doing good. Same. He’s into this guy…”

“Like really into him?” Mom asked. “That’s new.”

“I know, right? Danny doesn’t do this. It’s freaking me out. And the guy seems like an ass.” Okay, so maybe I did want to talk about it. I loved that I could say anything to her. Not that she knew I thought I was in love with him. I frowned. Thought? Where did that come from?

“Well, you guys aren’t teenagers anymore, so it was bound to happen. I think Danny feels like he’s supposed to be out there playing the field more than he actually wants to.”

She paused, and I thought that over for a minute. See? That was how I felt too. That was the difference between Danny and Shaw. Danny wanted more. Shaw actively fought against it.