On Monday I had an interview at a furniture store, then met up with Danny to go to the leasing office for his building to fill out the paperwork. By Wednesday I found out I got the job and had been approved to move in with him.
Which brought me to today. I sat in my truck outside Mom’s house. She knew I was taking a break from Carson Construction, but I hadn’t let her know I was moving into Atlanta. It was only a forty-five-minute drive, so it wasn’t like we wouldn’t see each other, but I knew it would be unexpected for her, especially since I’d also stopped working with my brothers. I hadn’t given her a clear reason for that either, because I didn’t have one, other than needing a change.
I got out and headed for the door before I chickened out. I knocked—typically I would go right in afterward, but that was when she expected me. Today she didn’t. A few seconds later she opened the door. “Jonathan, this is a pleasant surprise.”
“Hey, Mom.” I hugged her and kissed her cheek.
“I was just sitting around knitting. I have coffee. Do you want some?”
“Yeah, that’d be great.”
We went into the kitchen. She poured two cups, and we each doctored our own. It was around ten in the morning; I’d wanted to come before it got too late in the day. Plus, I had some last-minute packing to finish up.
“So…spill it.”
I chuckled. It didn’t surprise me that she knew I’d come over to tell her something. I ran a hand through my hair. I needed to get it cut. I’d let it grow out some this past year. “I, um…I’m going to move into Atlanta.”
She frowned. “Wow. I didn’t expect that. Will you stay with your brother?”
“No. I’m actually going to be staying with one of Will’s friends, Danny.”
“Oh…are the two of you…”
“No, Ma, God. We’re just friends.” Would it be like that from now on? Any guy I met would automatically be someone I was potentially dating?
“It would be okay if you were. You’re my son, and I love you. I know this is new for us, but all that matters to me is your happiness.”
Did she know Dad wouldn’t have felt the same? That he’d expected something different from me than he had from Will? Did she know about the treehouse? He’d said he wouldn’t tell her, and as far as I knew, she didn’t. What about my art? Still, even though those questions stumbled along in my head, I appreciated her. “Thanks. We’re friends, though. And I got a job at a furniture store.” I wasn’t like Will. I still wasn’t comfortable talking to my family about things like this.
“Selling?” she asked.
I rambled on about how I would primarily be building and putting products together, doing local deliveries, and assembling at customers’ homes. She talked about her knitting group and a new show she was watching and things like that.
At some point she sighed and said, “I tried not to do it, but I can’t. What’s going on with you and your brothers? Why all the changes? Moving and leaving the company?”
I leaned forward against the counter, rubbed a hand over my face. “I need to try something new, even if eventually I’ll realize that’s not what I want and end up right back here.” I’d never given myself permission to try before. It was time I did. “Carson Construction…that was Dad’s dream, which he made mine. I want to see if I have any dreams of my own.”
“Oh, Jonathan.” Mom wiped a stray tear from her eye and hugged me. “I know it’s been hard on you, and I hate that I didn’t realize it before. I should have known. I should have been there for you.”
“Mom, don’t.” Her guilt made me feel that way as well. She didn’t deserve it. I hadn’t wanted her to know.
“This is important for me to say. I feel like I let you down, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Whatever you need to do, you do. The rest will fall into place. Like I said, I just want you to be happy, and I want our family to be okay. You, Nolan, and Brad have always been so close.”
“We’ll be okay,” I assured her. “We’re family. It’s just different, and until I figure out my own shit, I can’t work through how to get things back to the way they were with them.”
“And I want William to be a part of that. All my boys.”
“I want that too,” I admitted.
“Look at you. I can’t believe everything you just said to me. I thought I’d have to pry the words out of you.”
“I’m trying, but it’s not easy. I might not speak for a week now.” We both laughed.