Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

Elijah sighed, then sat down on the couch beside me. “Okay, first, you’re one of the best people I know. You have no reason to feel guilty, and you sure as shit aren’t pushing him into anything. You talking to me about it proves that. You should know it’s okay to feel the way you do, though…just like it’s okay for Jonathan to feel how he does. Not everyone is safe or feels safe around their family. He’s allowed to have that, and you’re allowed to be sad or hurt about it. The world isn’t black and white, right or wrong, left or right. The truth is always somewhere in the middle.”

He was right; of course he was right. It was one of the reasons I’d known I could come to him. “So what do I do?”

“Tell him how you feel. He should know, both that you love him and that you’re hurting. That’s not pressuring him; that’s being honest. You’d want that from him too. If you guys can’t talk to each other, then how do you expect to make it?”

Pain pierced my chest. “Shit, man. Way to be straightforward.”

“You wouldn’t want anything less from me. If the situation were reversed, you would say the same to me.”

Again, he was right. “Love is fucking hard.”

Elijah chuckled. “You can say that again. As crazy as it is, it’s worth it.”

I thought about Jonathan. About him showing me his art and how it felt to hold him at night. When he let me see the parts of him he’d never shared with anyone. How it felt to be inside him, or see him happy, or hear him laugh.

Yeah, it was totally worth it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Jonathan

“So…” Danny began, “I know we’ve fallen out of the do-something-new-every-week thing, but we’re changing that tonight.”

I’d just come in from work. Danny was sitting on the couch, waiting for me. “Oh, we are, huh?”

“Yes, we totally are. Well, maybe, because I’m not sure if you’ve done this or not, but I don’t think you have. If I’m wrong, lie to me.”

I laughed. God, he was great. I grabbed his hands and tugged him until he stood, then wrapped my arms around him. “Even if I’ve done it before, it’ll still feel new and better with you.” I waited for the embarrassment to come because I’d said something so mushy to him, but it didn’t.

“Oh, wow. You’re good. I sort of want to stay home and blow you all night just because that was so sweet.”

“Wait. Not fuck me?” The words were coming easier now, at least to him and in my own head. I liked to be fucked. It was amazing. It made me feel…strong, in a way. I didn’t want to feel like there was something wrong with that. I wanted to enjoy it because I deserved that, didn’t I?

“I always want to fuck you. In fact, I’ve been trying to figure out a way that I could fuck you all the time—like we never had to be separated. We could walk around everywhere together with my dick up your ass.”

“What the fuck?” I snickered, playfully pushing him away from me. “You’re the craziest person I know.”

“You like it.” He turned us, pushed me down to the couch, and climbed on top of me, straddling my lap.

“I like you.” I cupped his cheek.

“I like you too.”

My cell rang then, making me jump. Without moving him, I maneuvered my phone out of my pocket. It was Nolan. I set it down, wanting to get back to what we were doing.

“Answer it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Because it’s your brother, and you used to be close, and now you avoid him.”

I groaned, not really wanting to talk to Nolan, but not wanting to fight with Danny either.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Wait…who is this? I don’t think I recognize the voice.”

“Ha-ha.”

“Seriously, man. What’s up?” Nolan asked.

“Not much. Just been busy.” My life felt disconnected, Nolan on the phone and Danny sitting on my lap, staring at me.

“Seems so. You went to visit Mom, but I noticed you did it when Brad and I were busy.”

“It was just what worked with my schedule.”

Danny cocked a brow at me. Great. He could hear Nolan and knew what I was saying. I stuck my tongue out at him. Christ, I felt like a new guy with him.

Danny laughed. Stupidly, my chest tightened when he did.

“Who’s that?” Nolan asked.

“My roommate, Danny.”

He frowned, climbed off me, and walked into the kitchen. I followed him, covering the phone. “What?”

“Nothing,” he replied.

“You’re pissed.”

“Finish your phone call. I’m not pissed.”

“What are you saying?” Nolan interrupted. “Are you speaking to me or him? You sound muffled.”

“Sorry, I had to tell Danny something. What’s going on?”

Danny walked into our bedroom—his bedroom—and I followed him as Nolan spoke. “I just wanted to see what you’re doing. You moved to Atlanta and dropped us. We never hang out anymore. You think you’re too good for us?”