‘Show our friends how you like to touch yourself,’ he says.
It sounds like a request. It sounds as if I can say no. But I know different.
I hide my face in his arm at first, then the command tone comes out.
‘Sit in the chair, Sophie, legs apart. Now.’
He releases me so I can obey the order. My half-naked bottom meets the cold wood of the seat. I widen my thighs, show my glistening wares to these two complete strangers while Lloyd hovers over my shoulder, his hand on the back of my neck.
‘Show them. Masturbate for us, love. We want to see you come.’
I shut my eyes. Part of me wants to be in this scene so very much, and yet another part of me wants to run away. Lloyd, helpfully, cuts down my options. He strokes the nape of my neck with gentle knuckles, leaning behind me, murmuring supportive filth.
‘You want this, Sophie, you want to be watched. Get your fingers on that big fat clit and give them a show.’
I follow his instructions blindly. He’s right, it’s so fat and full and juicy, so ready to be touched.
‘Would she like a vibrator?’ offers O.
‘No, fingers only this time. Come on, Sophie. Show them what a willing wanton thing you are. She’ll do it with anyone, you know? She’s the whore you don’t have to pay for. Everyone knows it. Everyone knows they can have her just by looking at her. She’s opened her legs for so many men, she’s the town bike, the good time that was had by all, aren’t you, Soph? But despite all that, she’s still mine, when it comes right down to it, she’s still mine because I know how to do it right, because I know her.’
His words and my fingers work together, a key and lock, opening my exquisite shame, setting fire to it until it combusts into an orgasm of such complex potency it blows my mind. What makes me come? Is it the simple manipulation of my clit? Is it Lloyd’s words, his voice, his savagely accurate summation of me? Is it the fact that I am watched and laid bare to two strangers, who will now know exactly what I am? Is it all of it together? I can’t separate the strands. I give up trying and deflate on the chair, limbs hanging heavy, juices growing cold, cunt twitching in tiny aftershocks until it comes to rest.
Lloyd has his arms around me from behind. He is hugging me quite fiercely into his chest, kissing my hair. He knows me.
I wonder if there’s a handy hospital trolley, because the only way I’m leaving here is on one. It seems like the kind of place you might find such an item. With plenty of straps attached.
‘Did you enjoy that, Sophie?’ O is solicitous, sympathetic.
I aim a drugged kind of nod in her direction. ‘Mmm, thanks.’
‘I know I did,’ says Mal. He reminds me of a drunken uncle making inappropriate remarks at a family gathering. I can’t imagine this Carry On vampire being authoritative, but I guess he must be. O doesn’t seem the type to settle for a dud.
‘Thank you for being such a lovely audience,’ says Lloyd unctuously. I dredge up the energy for an appreciative chuckle from somewhere and Mal and O join in.
‘Well, if you’d like to wash your hands and sort yourselves out, why don’t you take a little tour of the club? I think everything’s open just now. We have a lovely café and bar area just next door.’ O has moved on from the scene, brisk and businesslike once more.
It’s our signal to straighten up, shake the lust fog from our heads and pretend nobody ever watched anybody getting off in front of them.
My rubber dress covers my bum once more. I squirt my hands with that spirit gel stuff they have in hospitals, a bottle of which O keeps handy in her desk. She lends me a mirror to fix my hair and make-up. Lloyd loosens his collar, pulling the tie off and stuffing it in his pocket. His neck is damp. He was more nervous than I was.
We make polite noises and leave for the aforementioned café area. It’s substantially less gothic than I expect – no upright coffins in the corners, just pot plants.
‘So then,’ says Lloyd, once we have ordered coffees and sunk down into a deep leather couch in the corner. ‘How was that for you?’
‘It was good. Weird, but good.’
‘And do you think you’ll be able to do something similar, but on a grander scale, at the play party tomorrow night?’
‘There’ll be lots more people there.’
‘Yeah, but they’re all kinky. They get to watch you, but you get to watch them as well. We’re all voyeurs and some of us are exhibitionists too. Come on. You can’t tell me you aren’t an exhibitionist, Soph.’
‘No, I can’t tell you that. But what are you going to do?’
‘Haven’t decided yet.’
I cast my eye around the room at the other customers. Will they be the witnesses of my shame? It’s mid-afternoon, so those that are here are mainly students or people who work nights. While there is a smattering of leather, most are dressed according to a more bohemian template. A few suits here and there. The idea of having all their eyes fixed on me is exciting.