“Oh yes, that was the entire foundation. I’m sorry, does that shock you?”
Jeremy laughed out loud. “Nothing shocks me, Michelle. I’ll let you into a secret—I’m that way inclined myself.”
“Oh. You don’t seem the type.”
“I’m not. Not a Cordwainer type. I like a strong woman, if you catch my drift.”
She caught her breath, then giggled with embarrassment. “Oh, I see. Goodness, I didn’t think I’d be discussing the finer points of my sex life with a journalist today. What on earth is happening to my life?”
“Cordwainer happened to it,” commented Jeremy grimly.
“I think he’s ruined me for any other man now,” she said, gazing wistfully over the reserve.
“Oh, don’t say that. You’re young and attractive and clearly intelligent.”
“Oh, thank you. I’m older than you, though. I’m heading straight for my midlife crisis, if I’m allowed one of those. Perhaps I’ll get a job in one of Cordwainer’s girlie bars, or perhaps I’ll just dye my hair purple and go and live in a commune on some island somewhere.”
Jeremy patted her shaky hand. “Perhaps you’ll find happiness. It’s still out there for the taking, you know. What did he do to you, to knock your confidence so badly?”
“He gave me away.”
“Gave you? Away? What, like a coat he’d grown out of or something?”
“Exactly like that. I was his submissive for two years. He was so lovely, to start with. So considerate and so attentive. He always made sure I was happy, I was getting pleasure and enjoying myself. About a year into the relationship, he decided he wanted to…show me off.”
“Exhibit you?”
“Yes. He started up this kind of private sex club. He’d invite powerful local men to watch me…do things…have things done to me. Eventually they were allowed to join in. It became a regular gang bang. He l
iked to watch me with other men, he said. He liked to watch other men use me for their pleasure. It gave him pleasure. And he knew it gave me pleasure. It did, up to a point. It made me happy if he was happy. But…” Her voice trailed away, uneven once more.
“Oh, Michelle.”
“I’d have carried on doing it forever, if it meant I could stay with him,” she whispered passionately. “But he gave me away. And he never even asked me…never told me…”
Jeremy silently handed her his handkerchief.
“Who…did he give you to?” he asked over her low sobs. “Are you still working for Cordwainer? Still at the B and B?”
“I manage the Fairhaven,” she croaked.
“That’s his, isn’t it?”
“Yes. And…he gave me to Trewin. The builder. Councillor.”
Jeremy’s hands gripped the steering wheel until the knuckles whitened.
“Trewin? You…belong…to him. In some way?”
“I told him to fuck off. I don’t want to be with him.”
“And what does Cordwainer think of that?”
“He doesn’t know. Yet. I suppose I’ll lose the hotel.”
“Michelle, if I publish with this, won’t he know that you’re the source? Doesn’t that put you in danger?”
She looked at him, long and hard and desperate. “Yes. It does. But I don’t care.”