‘So what’s acting then?’ he said, his tone millimetres away from ‘duh’.
‘It’s not the same. Nobody was standing around filming me, for one thing. And it was foreplay too. Unless this film
is going to be flat-out porn, I don’t really see that it’s the same thing at all.’
He shook his head. ‘No, it won’t be porn. But there will be sex scenes. Not real ones, obviously. Keeping your bra on for the American censors and all that. Not your bra, mind you, because they hadn’t been invented yet. Your shimmy or whatever.’
‘I just … you don’t mean this. You can’t mean it.’
‘I do mean it. You were perfect the other night. I can’t imagine anybody else doing it better. You are my Walters.’
‘I’m not,’ I said decisively. ‘But, just out of interest, who would be my Cruel Bastard? Do you have any actors in mind?’
‘You can forget it if you think I’m going to get you into bed with Daniel Craig.’
‘No!’ But my face was hot. ‘The opposite, actually. I can’t imagine how I’d cope with doing sex scenes with some big-time heartthrob actor who was a complete stranger to me.’
‘He wouldn’t be a stranger,’ said Jasper with a wicked grin, enjoying his teasing. ‘I’d have introduced you by then. Perhaps in the hotel jacuzzi.’
‘Shut up! No way.’
‘Anyway, do you seriously think I’d let some famous handsome bastard anywhere near you? I’m going to cast the ugliest man on Equity’s books. Name me an actor who makes your flesh crawl and I’ll call his agent.’
‘Stop it. This is crazy anyway. I’m not going to be in your film.’
‘All right,’ he said. ‘Joking aside now. I was thinking of playing the part myself. Actor-director. It’s tricky but it’s been done, so it’s not impossible.’
‘You don’t mind baring all on screen then?’
‘Love, it’s an art-house movie, not a porn flick. There won’t be any money shots or close-ups of the mechanics of it all. What do you take me for?’
‘A raging perv.’
His grin made me shiver.
‘Fair point,’ he said softly. ‘I guess it takes one to know one, then.’
‘I’m not ashamed of my sexuality,’ I said, after a pause to drink in the delicious tension. ‘But I couldn’t put it on general release for all to see. I just couldn’t.’
‘Why not, if you’re not ashamed of it? And besides, the audience wouldn’t necessarily equate your role with your private life. Acting is a thing, you know. Most people have heard of it. Nobody thinks Anthony Hopkins is really a cannibal. I hope.’
‘No, of course not, but …’ I paused as the waiter refilled my water glass, then lowered my voice again, ‘I think the problem is that I would know how close to the truth it was. It’d be different if I was playing a lesbian or a swinger or something that I’m not.’
Jasper put down his fork and looked at me for a long time, so long that the cod in my mouth became extremely hard to swallow.
‘You think people would see that you were enjoying it?’
‘I think I’d die of embarrassment. I wouldn’t be able to watch it.’
‘You’ve watched that film I made of you tied to that tree in my garden. You didn’t die of embarrassment. You got pretty turned on, if I remember correctly.’
‘That was between us. It was private.’
‘But you fantasise about public humiliation all the time, Sarah. We’ve played scenes that revolve around it. When we watched that film, you were imagining it playing on a big screen in a cinema, remember? It made you so hot I had to pause it twice.’
‘Stop it.’ I was sure the people at the next table could hear us. Their conversation seemed to stall at the most awkward times. I looked down at the napkin on my lap and gripped my knees.
‘Are you sure you want to take that tone with me?’ he said, deliberately audible to the nearest tables. ‘Admit it, Sarah. You liked parading yourself in front of Miss Frost. You’ll think about it, when I’m not around to keep you busy. You’ll think about it when you’re on your own in bed.’