The Subtle Art of Brutality

“I was outside smoking and must have missed the call.”

“Well, I was having a very pleasant dream featuring Hugh Jackman.”

“What’s so special about Hugh Jackman?”

“You’ll never know until you see the X-Men movies.”

“And what is it with grown women dreaming about movie stars?”

“It’s probably a bit like a World War Two G.I. keeping a photo of Betty Grable in his locker or like the picture of Rachel Weisz you keep in your wallet. Are you going to ask why Joey called, or do you want to continue trying to beat the subject of idol worship to death?”

“Why did Joey call?” I asked.

“Tony Carlucci called Joey so Joey called you.”

“I’m having some difficulty putting the two actions together.”

“The way you’re slurring your words makes me wonder if you could manage to put your two hands together,” Darlene said, without a hint of sarcasm. “Call Joey.”

“Are you going back to sleep?”

“Too late for that, Hugh’s gone. I may as well go for my morning run and get ready to go to the office. Pay some bills, stare at a silent telephone, and calculate the odds that you will show up there before noon. Call Joey.”

The line went dead.

Joey was Joseph Vongoli a.k.a. Joey Russo a.k.a. Joey Clams.

From the day I met him, and for the next five years, he was Joey Russo. Nearly a year ago he took a trip to Chicago to save my neck, and while he was at it he avenged the death of his sister and reinstated the family name.

Joey’s father, Louis Vongoli, a.k.a. Louie Clams, was forced out of the Chicago suburb of Cicero, Illinois by the Giancana family in the thirties. Vongoli relocated to San Francisco with his wife and son and he changed his name to Russo for protection against reprisal. When Joey reclaimed the name Vongoli he went from being known as Joey Russo to being known as Joey Clams, vongoli being the Italian word for clams and clams being easier to pronounce for Anglos.

Tony Carlucci was generally a world of trouble.

I called Joey to find out exactly what sort this time.

He picked up the phone after half a ring.

“Joey, what’s up?”

“Jake, you sound like crap.”

I’d managed three words and he already had me pegged.

“Too much Jameson’s last night.”

“Don’t tell me you went Irish pub hopping.”

“It was Ira Fennessy’s idea.”

“You call that an idea?”

“We got together to play cards with Tom Romano and Ira talked us into checking out Celtic landmarks instead.”

“Sorry to hear it. Tony Carlucci woke me up earlier this morning.”

“I heard.”

“Tony needs to speak with you as soon as possible.”