“Really? You’re wrong, Bain. I want to. Did I do it wrong? You can teach me the way you like it.”
He tried to reach for her, but she wouldn’t let him.
“Scarlett, it’s just something I can’t handle. It makes me fucking anxious. Even sex, it took me a long time before I could get any pleasure from it. With you, things are different. But—”
“How is it different from sex?”
Bain wouldn’t look her in the eyes. He patted his lap, and she willingly sat down, wrapping an arm around him. She couldn’t stop kissing and touching him.
“When I was younger, I was forced to let women use me. My captors would hurt me if I did anything wrong, and the punishment didn’t stop until I was perfect. They did a lot of wicked shit to me, Scarlett. I didn’t enjoy what I did, I hated it. Ever since that fucking chapter of my life closed, there are certain things that I can’t really get over. You know what I mean?”
He’d been forced, so it was no different than rape. No wonder he had issues with his sexuality. Her love for him grew, as did her need to heal him.
“I’m different, Bain. I’d never hurt you.”
He kissed her shoulder, and she held his head against her chest. Scarlett could only imagine the horrors he’d been through. She couldn’t stand to see him so broken, unable to trust or put the pieces of himself back together. It wasn’t much different than her take on life. They were so different, but also so much alike.
“It’s not so simple,” he said. “Not when the past fucks with your head.”
If she wanted him to trust her, she had to do the same. “Remember I told you about Michael and the secrets I kept? Well, I was going to have a baby.” Tears filled her eyes before she could finish. The pain was still fresh, as if it happened yesterday, not over a year ago. “I lost it before it was born. Because of Michael’s abuse.”
She felt Bain’s hold on her grow tighter. “That’s not a secret, Scarlett. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have left him,” she cried, the tears flowing freely. She shook her head, still so angry with herself. “If I’d had a backbone I would have left, and I’d be a mother today. But I’m not. I’m nothing. I have nothing. And I can never forgive myself.” She felt so stupid being naked and crying. She was a hot mess.
“I know what being abused can do to a person. You become a shadow of yourself, unable to distinguish between reality and the fucked-up shit they want you to believe. It’s not your fault, sweetheart.” He’d raised his voice to express his point, and it surprised her that this man could care so much about her suffering when he originally planned on killing her. She hadn’t told anyone her shameful secret and wouldn’t have believed anyone’s sympathy regardless. Bain was different. She knew only Bain could understand how her head had been so messed up when she’d been with Michael. He’d devastated her confidence until she was a shell of a woman, and the abuse stole all her strength.
“How do you go on?”
He smirked and looked up at her. “You do like me. You survive, you exist. I killed to quiet the demons inside me. It wasn’t until you came into my life that I realized there could be more.”
She smiled, more tears flowing, but they weren’t from self-pity. “I want to be happy with you,” she said.
****
Bain knew all about Scarlett’s miscarriage from the hospital records, but refused to bring it up. It was her choice whether she shared that with him or not. The fact she’d opened up to him, releasing all that pent-up pain and tension, made him feel closer to her.
“I need you,” he said.
The vulnerable moment shifted to more passion than he’d ever known. He wanted to own Scarlett, to claim her, to keep her for himself. The thought of any man coming between them seriously pissed him off.
They dropped down on the bed, intertwined, not able to get enough of each other. His cock was heavy and stiff. He couldn’t wait to slide deep inside Scarlett’s pretty little cunt, marking her as his again and again. With her, sex was exactly how it should be, and the only time he was grateful for his training in the bedroom.
“Oh God, Bain. I want you.”
He kissed his way down her neck, flipping her to her back so he could play with her big tits. Bain rubbed his face in her cleavage, then took her nipple in his mouth, teasing her until she arched her back.
When her little hand wrapped about his cock, his eyes lolled back in his head. “I want to taste you, Bain. Please…”
Those bitches had ruined him for sex, hurting him in inhumane ways. His captors were hell-bent on creating a killing machine made for fucking. He knew he could trust Scarlett, she was sweet and caring, but he couldn’t get over his own damn insecurities. Bain hated having a weakness, and he didn’t want it to rule his life forever.
“You don’t have to do that,” he said.
“I want to. I love you.”
Those words felt unreal, and his instincts expected deception. He usually killed when he felt pushed against the wall, but for Scarlett he seemed ready to take on the world.
She crawled along his body, her nails gently dragging down his torso. When she reached his cock, Bain cringed, but he forced himself to stop living in the past. He ran his hand through her silky hair, focusing on how much he wanted this one woman.