Something She Can Feel

“No. We’re talking about love.” Kayla’s voice filled with passion. “About how he probably made her feel so free, she thought she was probably going to explode if she didn’t have him. She turned her back on everybody to be with him.”

“Now that’s crazy love,” Billie added.

“But it was also cracky love,” I added, and they both laughed.

“Good point,” Kayla said, still laughing. “I guess there’s a thin line between the two.”

“I’ll pass then,” I said.

“So, what kind of love do you and your husband have?” Kayla asked casually and I had no response. We had love. Just love. No adjectives. I’d never even thought to define it. It was just always there. And anything I could think to say—deep, true, real—sounded cliché and textbook in the face of crazy and even cracky. Anyone could have deep, true, real love. I wanted to say I had more. “I didn’t mean to pry,” Kayla added, looking concerned.

“No, you’re not prying. I just never thought I had to define the kind of love we had.”

“Anglerfish!” Billie said randomly, as if she’d just returned mentally to the table.

“What?” Kayla and I asked.

“I was trying to remember what Evan’s mother used to call you two when we were in high school. She called you two anglerfish.”

“Anglerfish?” Kayla said.

“Yes!”

“You remember that?” I asked.

“The female anglerfish uses a light on the top of her head to attract food,” Billie started.

“A real light?” Kayla asked.

“No, it’s just a collection of bacteria, but deep underwater it shines really bright like a light,” Billie went on. “Anyway, the male anglerfish is like forty times smaller than the female and when he sees the light, he becomes hypnotized and just like her food, he just swims straight to the light. And when he gets to the female, the male bites into the side of her body and doesn’t let go.”

“Oh, I can’t believe you’re telling her this foolishness,” I said.

“And the craziest part is that he doesn’t even have his own guts, so he just continues to chew into her skin until he becomes a part of her. He becomes a little knob hanging on the side of her body, disappearing into the female. Giving up his whole life for her. For a long time scientists didn’t even know male anglerfish existed. They thought the bumps on the females were just growths.”

“That sounds pretty gross.” Kayla frowned.

“Don’t listen to her,” I said.

“It wasn’t me. That was Mrs. DeLong. Even she could see how much Evan loved you. He’s the one who’s crazy in love!”

“My husband and I have a great relationship,” I said to Kayla. “Evan’s mother was right. He can be very giving when it comes to me, but there’s nothing wrong with having a man at home who loves you.”

“You can say that again!” Kayla cheered.

Evan was sitting in the living room when I walked in the door. Still dressed in his work clothes, he sat back in one of the cozy chairs by the fireplace with a bottle of beer in his hand.

“Well, hello,” I said, setting down my keys and purse on a huge oak table that sat in the middle of the foyer before the living room.

“Hey!” He jerked and turned to me quickly, making it clear he didn’t know I’d walked in.

“You okay?” I asked as I walked toward him. We hardly ever sat in the living room unless we had company.

“Yes. I was just sitting here admiring my big house and waiting for my lovely wife to come home.” He grinned and motioned for me to come and sit on his lap.

“Oh, don’t try to flatter me, Mr. DeLong.”

“What? Why can’t a man just admire his life? His wife. His home. His baby on the way—” He tickled my stomach as I sat down.