Something She Can Feel

“So, you’re going back?” I couldn’t believe Evan was right.

“He doesn’t want a divorce.”

“But what is he going to do with that woman? And the little boy if you find out it’s his? What is he going to keep playing house? And you’re supposed to just take it?”

“He said he’ll end it with her and if the boy is his, we’ll get custody.”

“That’s crazy,” I said. “May, I know you are a decent woman.” I reached out to her and held her hand. “And you’re always trying to do the right thing. But you deserve better than this. You deserve to be with someone who can love you no matter what. I know you’re going to do whatever your heart tells you, but think about that before you sign up to raise someone else’s son.”

May began to cry, and we sat there, holding hands as she prayed for her marriage and I secretly prayed for myself.

Chapter Fourteen

May’s worries followed me from Sunday to Monday under a cloud of sadness. I was moving, but slowly and seemingly waiting for the day to pass. The children came and went, and the day clamored on with the kind of dull repetitiveness that kept me constantly checking my calendar to see what day it was. Only, I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. I was so ready to just let go of everything, to stop carrying the sadness around with me and be happy for a few minutes, that by the time the day ended and I was walking out of the building, I prayed it was Friday and not the beginning of the week. I wanted to relax. To sit down and just talk to someone about everything that was going on.

When I walked out of the building and looked toward the end of the lot where my car was parked, I remembered Dame pulling up behind me the other day when I almost felt the same way leaving work. How he cheered me up and we just talked about everything. It was an unexpected pleasure. I looked around, hoping I’d see the old pickup sneaking down another aisle, but it wasn’t there. Dame was probably long gone now and not thinking about me or our conversation. And that was a good thing. It was best if I forgot whatever I was thinking about him.

“Mrs. DeLong! Mrs. DeLong!” someone screamed. I turned around toward the school to see Ms. Newberry, one of the secretaries from the front office running out the doors to me.

“Mrs. DeLong,” she repeated out of breath now and heaving as she caught up to me.

“Calm down,” I said. “We don’t need you fainting on us.”

I walked toward her and extended my hand to pat her on the back.

“Oh, I’m fine,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure you got this message.”

She opened her hand to reveal a pink message slip with words and a number written on it.

“The person said you needed to get it today,” she said, finally catching her breath. “Something about a meeting.”

She handed me the message.

“Who is it?” I asked, reading the text above the number: FORMER STUDENT.

“He wouldn’t say. Just said to tell you it was about going back to a dream ... or a dreamland... . Something like that.”

My heart jumped. Pulsated so quickly, I felt it vibrate down to my knees. Suddenly, Ms. Newberry wasn’t standing before me. I wasn’t even in the parking lot. It was just me and the pink slip of paper existing in a tunnel where all I could imagine was picking up the phone and dialing that number. It was striking how immediately this need came over me. A moment ago, I wasn’t even thinking about this number, but now, it was like water in a desert, and I hadn’t had a sip in days.

“Mrs. DeLong?” I heard Ms. Newberry say.

“Yes?” I answered, emerging from the tunnel.

“Who do you think it is?”

“No idea.” I widened my eyes comically to portray indifference.

“Hmm ...” She bounced from one hip to the other and flicked her hand in the air dismissively. “Oh, well.... At least I got it to you. Maybe they’ll call back. I’ll be on the lookout.”

“Thank you,” I said, jiggling my keys.

“See you later.”

I watched Ms. Newberry walk far enough from me so that she wouldn’t see me look down at the paper. I felt I had to contemplate it on my own. In secret. When she neared the door leading back into the school, I looked down at the slip and felt my heart flutter again.

I looked around the lot and pulled the paper to my chest.

“Oh, my God,” I said. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!”