She had wanted to hear it, needed to hear it for years, but now the reality left her stunned and speechless, her heart thudding painfully as she stared back at him, her eyes enormous.
'I ought to love Jennifer, I know—she's my own flesh and blood—but I don't.' He shook his head. 'No, I don't.'
'Dad—'
'When your mother died I felt my world had ended. Can you understand that?' He gazed at her and the pain in the pale blue eyes mirrored what her own had been at that time. 'The only way I could cope with it and go on was to shut it away, ignore it,' he continued quietly. 'But you were there, Katie, the very image of your mother in your ways and emotions, a kindred spirit, a constant reminder of all I'd lost, and so I shut you out too. Not consciously—I didn't realise I was doing it—but I did it nevertheless. Can you forgive an old fool, lass?' He shook his head slowly. 'Because I can't forgive myself,' he finished with a break in his voice.
'Oh, Dad…' She turned into his arms and he hugged her close, the tears that were streaming down his face wetting her hair as she lay against his chest, her heart full and her eyes moist.
'I want to see my grandchildren, Katie, for your mother as well as myself. I want to make up to you for all the years I've wasted.'
'Dad…' She drew herself back slightly and looked into his face, her own wet with her tears. 'There's nothing to make up for. I love you—I've always loved you.'
'Coals of fire.' He drew her to him again and sighed deeply, his voice husky. 'I'm a hard man, lass. Your mother knew that when she married me but she still went through with it, bless her. Because she loved me as I loved her. Katie—' he moved to look into her upturned face '—do you love Carlton? Really love him?'
'Yes.' In this, at least, she could be honest even if the reason for their marriage had to remain forever hidden. She took a deep breath and smiled through her tears. 'I do love him,'
/> 'That's all I wanted to know.' He settled her against him, the June sunshine warm on their faces. 'I know he loves you—what man wouldn't?—but it's important for a woman to feel absolutely sure, with everything that the physical side of a marriage entails. You know what I mean?' he added uncomfortably.
'Yes, Dad.' Her face hidden from his gaze, she smiled at the touch of fatherly advice, but in the next instant the smile disappeared as Jennifer's voice sounded from within the house, high and authoritative and strident.
'Here we go.' He straightened, moving her gently to one side, but it didn't hurt at all. She knew how he felt now. That was all that mattered. She didn't need effusive shows of affection.
'I know he loves you—what man wouldn't?' The irony of his words stayed with her all that morning and into the afternoon, when, her father having retired for his afternoon nap, Jennifer dragged her into her bedroom so that she could watch her try on her bridesmaid's dress again.
'Do you think the colour is really me?'
As her sister turned and pirouetted in front of the minor, the deep wine-red of the dress swirling round her feet in a cloud of silk, Katie stifled an irritated sigh. Jennifer hadn't once asked about her father's health, the state of their finances, even any details about the wedding except those directly concerning her.
'It's the dress you chose,' she said patiently. 'We went through the whole shop if you remember.'
'And what a shop…' Jennifer gave one more twirl and then reluctantly took the beautiful dress off and replaced it on its hanger. 'I've got to hand it to you, Katie, you've got your head screwed on all right. I used to wonder—but to make a catch like Carlton Reef must have taken some planning.'
'Planning?' Katie stared at her sister with distaste. 'I didn't plan anything.'
'Oh, come on.' Jennifer laughed unpleasantly. 'He's had more women than I've had hot dinners and his mistress is really something, as you probably know. You can't tell me that this all happened by accident You'll have to give me some advice on—'
'What do you mean, 'mistress'?' Katie asked through suddenly numb lips, her blood freezing in her veins.
'Whoops!' Jennifer's slanted eyes narrowed still more as she placed her hand over her mouth in affected horror. 'You mean to say you didn't know? I'd have thought that he'd at least have told you…'
'Told me what?' She wanted to walk out of the room, pretend she was unaffected by the malicious envy that was suddenly so apparent in Jennifer's almond-shaped eyes, but she was held rooted to the floor by some power stronger than herself. 'I don't believe there's anything to tell,' she said flatly, her stomach churning.
'About his mistress or all the other women?' Jennifer asked with catty innocence. 'Well, I can assure you it's all true. One advantage of my job is that I get to know all the inside titbits…'
'Carlton has been keeping a woman in a flat in Mayfair for several years now although it's all supposed to be hush-hush. They're never seen out in public together but then she probably serves a more useful purpose inside, if you know what I mean,' she said with crude spitefulness. 'And he's still had other women on the side; the man must have a voracious appetite.' The pale blue eyes narrowed further. 'But then you'd know all about that—or would you, my sweet, virginal little sister?'
Katie ignored the obvious question as she turned away, her legs trembling and the blood pounding so violently in her ears that she felt dizzy. 'It's not true,' she whispered. 'I don't believe it You're just jealous.'
'Too true, sweetie; I've never tried to hide it. I—' As Katie turned back to face her something in her eyes caught Jennifer's words in her throat and for a moment she looked acutely uncomfortable.
'Oh, don't take it like that, Katie. What did you expect anyway? He's hardly a shy little flower, is he? Look, perhaps I've got it wrong.' she added urgently as Katie sank down on the bed, her legs finally giving way. 'Perhaps this woman is—is—' She ran out of words. 'A friend,' she finished, with a wry, embarrassed little laugh. 'Anyway, he's marrying you. That's more than enough, isn't it? All the women I know are pea-green—'
'What's her name?' Katie asked flatly. 'This woman, what's her name?'
'I don't know.'
'You know.' Katie looted hard into the beautiful face in front of her. 'You're a good reporter, Jennifer—you find rat all the sordid details before you let rip,' she accused bitterly.