Fire Beneath the Ice

"I doubt it very much. You really are as innocent as you seem aren't you,

Lydia?" he added suddenly.

"What?" Now her gaze did meet his, her eyes wide with shock. She wasn't innocent, there was Hannah-- "I've met sixteen-year-old schoolgirls who were more worldly-wise than you," he said softly, 'm fact, one or two of my friends have teenage daughters who are worrying them to death. But you.

You're just too vulnerable for your own good. "

"Vulnerable?" She reared up as though he had just hit her, and to her it seemed as though he had, at least verbally. He was telling her she was naive, unable to cope with life, was that it? She stared at him, hurt beyond measure. He thought she was some pathetic creature who was utterly gullible and simple, bare of any sophistication or elegance at all? Not like Elda.

Oh, no, she thought painfully.

Definitely not like Elda.

"I hardly _think so," she said stiffly.

"I do have a daughter. Wolf, and I'm a very good mother."

"I'm sure you are," he agreed immediately, 'but that doesn't even touch on what we're talking about. How long did you go out with Matthew before you married him? “he asked abruptly, his eyes searching her flushed face.

"How long?" She stared at him with wide eyes as she struggled to keep the hurt and humiliation from showing. "It wasn't like that, not with Matthew and me. I'd always known him, you see, we grew up together--' “But from when you became sexually aware of each other," he insisted softly.

"How long?"

Sexually aware? she thought faintly as she blushed hotly, her eyes dropping from his. How could she answer that? Had she ever been sexually aware of

Matthew? She remembered her wedding-night and their confused fumblings, and the warmth in her cheeks burnt hotter. She hadn't liked that side of married life at first, but Matthew had been gentle and undemanding, and although their lovemaking had been infrequent she hadn't found it disagreeable. But she had never found him sexually attractive. The sudden knowledge was the worst sort of betrayal of his memory, and she closed her eyes tightly against it before she opened them to face Wolf again. She would have to think about this later. It was too much to absorb now with Wolf watching her with those piercingly intuitive eyes.

"We got engaged when I was eighteen and married on my twenty-first birthday," she said flatly, 'and I don't want to discuss this any more. " She faced him tensely, unaware that the play of emotion across her sensitive, expressive face had intrigued the man in front of her more than he would have thought possible.

He caught himself abmptly. What the hell was he doing asking her personal questions, anyway? He was too old and too wise, far, far too wise, to play with fire.

"Neither do I." He smiled coolly, a remote, imperturbable expression settling on the hard features that suggested they had been discussing something of no more interest than the weather.

"But I am hungry. How about if we make for the hotel, have a wash and brush-up and use their excellent restaurant? Sound good?" he asked lightly.

"It sounds lovely." She used all her reserves of willpower and smiled with polite enthusiasm.

She'd got some guts. He stared at her for one more moment before rising and collecting both their coats from the coat-stand in the corner of the room.

Something had bothered her more than a little, for a few seconds there she had looked devastated, and yet she was handling it with the sort of bravery he suspected was an integral part of the woman. Damn! He closed his mind off with ruthless determination. She was just a female like any other. Like any other.

The company car that Wolf was using during his visit ate up the twenty or so miles to the hotel with consummate ease, but Lydia was so tense she wouldn't have noticed if they had been bumping along in an old jalopy. She tried to keep her mind from returning to the conversation with Wolf, but it was no good. She had to face it, she thought suddenly. Had to accept that what she had thought was a perfect marriage hadn't been. I'm sorry, Matthew. She closed her eyes against the darkness outside the windows that reflected the void in her heart. But she had loved him, she had. She hugged the thought fiercely to her. He had been so gentle, so kind, protecting her from anything that might harm her. She sat up suddenly as her mind travelled ruthlessly on. More like an older brother. And he had treated her most of the time like a beloved little sister, spoiling her, preventing any contact from the outside world that might disturb her. They had loved each other, genuinely, but. a vital ingredient that she had seen in some other relationships had definitely been missing. Physical attraction, desire, lust, call it what you would. They hadn't had it. She hadn't even had a personal knowledge of that emotion until until this man seated next to her with the ice-cold eyes and even colder heart had swept into her life. But she was aware of it now. And she wished with all her heart she wasn't. It was making her exactly what he had accused her of being vulnerable.

"Here we are." As they drew into a wide, tree-lined drive she saw a blaze of lights in the distance and saw what appeared to be a small castle, complete with turrets and lit with powerful floodlights.

"Our hotel."

"This is our hotel?" She turned to the hard profile in amazement.

"But it's absolutely beautiful."

He smiled as he drew the car to a halt in the car-park to one side of the wide stone steps.

"There are plenty of buildings in Scotland like this, but it is impressive, isn't it?" he agreed lazily.

"The food's excellent."

She stared at him for a spilt second, noting the easy careless smile and cool composure. He had turned her world upside-down, brought things to light he had had no right to reveal, insinuated she was naive and pathetic among other things and. And he had the nerve to be totally untouched. She hated him.