She nodded. She believed him on that at least. It was so like Coral to cash in where she could. 'I see.'
The tone of her voice was dull, and he continued to look at her some moments more before he said, 'Hasn't anything I've said made any difference? You think I'm lying to you?'
No, she didn't think he was lying. It was something of a revelation, but there was no joy or thankfulness with it. She believed his explanation, but all this had shown her that she wasn't sure of him—or any man's ability to love for ever—deep inside. The problem wasn't Zac's, it was hers. She drew in a deep breath, her heart thudding. It had been all along.
Sooner or later something like this would have cropped up and she would have dealt with it in the same way—by running away. And that would have been so much worse if it had been after her child was born, or even after several were born. It was she who wasn't cut out for marriage. Oh, God, help me. It was a cry from her heart, but one she didn't believe was answerable. She'd destroy them both with her fears if she stayed.
'Tory?' Zac asked tersely. 'Answer me.'
'I don't think you're lying to me.' It was the answer he had wanted but he was in no doubt there was still something terribly wrong. Her face was stricken and as white as a sheet. 'But—' Victoria stopped abruptly. How could she explain?
'But?' He knew he had to keep his temper but it was hard going. She was putting obstacle after obstacle in his way, their way.
'But I don't want to be married to you, Zac.' And this time her voice was firmer than it had been for the whole of the conversation, Zac recognised with a sick kind of despair as he forced himself to show no reaction and to keep perfectly calm and still.
'Any particular reason why?' he asked stonily.
'I shouldn't have married you in the first place,' she answered with cruel conviction. 'I see that now, and…and I'm sorry. It's not you—I thought it was, but it's not you. It's me. I can't trust you, Zac; I don't think I'm capable of trusting anybody,' she finished with a bewildered little frown.
'And if I said I could make you trust me?' he asked with careful control, praying that the tumult of emotion that was tearing him apart wouldn't show in his face. 'What then?'
'Oh, Zac.' It was kind—almost patronising—and for a shocking moment he wanted to shake the truth into her.
'You're saying that's impossible, is that it?' he said with a calm he was far from feeling. 'And you won't give us a chance?'
'Yes.' It was curt and definite.
'I don't accept that for a minute,' he said forcefully.
'Well, whether you accept it or not that's the way I feel,' Victoria said wearily. 'I don't want to keep the baby from you—we can work out access and everything—but I want a divorce. And I'm sorry about today; it should never have happened—'
'The hell it shouldn't,' Zac cut in furiously. 'You're my wife.'
'And it can never happen again,' Victoria finished as though he hadn't spoken. 'Do…do you want me to leave straight away?'
Hell, she meant it. He stared at her, for once in his life utterly lost as to what to do or say next. She loved him, she knew he loved her, and it didn't make any difference. He wished her father wasn't dead so that he could beat him into a pulp. He wished Coral wasn't a woman so he could do the same to her…
'Zac? I can go back to the flat now; I'd be fine there.'
'You're staying here with me until our child is born, Tory.' Suddenly he knew exactly how he was going to handle this. 'And then we'll sort out a place of your own for you and the baby, I promise.' He eyed her white face expressionlessly. 'There'll be no repeat of today, I promise you that too, and no divorce.'
'Zac, I can't stay here after today,' she said tremblingly.
'I'm content with an indefinite separation.' Content? Who was kidding whom? Zac asked himself with savage, caustic self-mockery. 'We can remain friends and bring up the kid amicably—two homes is better than no home at all, after all.'
'But that's not fair on you. Surely a divorce is better?' Victoria asked numbly. 'It would be more straightforward.'
'There has never been a divorce in my family and I don't intend to break the mould,' Zac said shortly. 'I entered this marriage intending it should last our lifetimes; it isn't me who has welched on the deal.' It was below the belt but he was fighting for his life. If he agreed to a divorce he was lost.
Victoria flinched visibly. 'I…I see. I hadn't thought… No, I see.' She nodded miserably. 'If that's what you want.'
'Okay, so that's settled, then.' Zac looked at her tremulous mouth, her white-gold hair that felt like silk and the translucent texture of her skin, and remembered how it had been that day. His arousal was instant and fierce, knotting him up inside as his mind played with the memory of her full rounded stomach and ripe breasts as she had sat astride him, her body joined with his.
He forced himself to rise slowly and walk around the table as though their conversation had been nothing more than pre-dinner banter. 'I'll heat up the food in the microwave,' he said evenly. 'It won't take a minute.'
'I…I don't think I want anything now. I couldn't…'
'You'll eat, Victoria.' Zac's voice was still even, but it carried that certain note she knew meant business. 'And you'll rest, and you'll do all the other things that mean the remainder of this pregnancy will be trouble-free. We're doing right from now on, okay?' She didn't answer right away, and he leant on the table, his eyes fixing on her troubled face as he repeated, 'Okay? I'm taking care of you until the baby is here.'