Lindsey frowned in thought. It was true that she hadn’t actually tried. She’d told herself that she was too busy, or that there was no point because she was never going to be able to make a living from her art.
But those reasons alone shouldn’t have stopped her from doing what she loved. Were they just excuses? As Lindsey looked around the studio, she realized she was avoiding the truth. She was scared. Scared that she’d fail. Scared that she’d lost that innate part of herself that was capable of creating great things.
Scared that the person she was before the accident no longer existed.
“Do you think you can do that for me?” Camilla asked. “Just try? Maybe not this morning, or even today, or tomorrow. But one day, in the time you have left living here with me, will you try to find the joy that art used to bring you?”
Lindsey blinked away her half-formed tears. “Okay,” she said quietly. “I’ll try. I’ll try now.” She knew that if she put it off any longer, she’d lose her resolve.
Camilla kissed her gently. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes. I will.”
“If you’re not, come find me in my office. And remember, this room is yours, and yours alone. I’ll never come in here without your permission. If you need more supplies or anything specific that you can’t find in here, let me know, and I’ll get it for you.”
Lindsey nodded.
“I’ll leave you to it.”
Moments later, Lindsey was alone in the room. She felt so overwhelmed. Where should she even start? She hadn’t picked up a pencil or a paintbrush since she’d finished her art degree. Did she still have it in her? That passion that fueled her creativity? That sense of wonder about the world around her, and that need to capture it all on a piece of paper or canvas?
Could she ever get that passion back again?
Lindsey didn’t have a choice but to try. Camilla had decreed it. Sure, Lindsey didn’t really have to listen to her. But she knew that if she didn’t, Camilla would be so disappointed.
She gazed out toward the garden just outside. This particular garden was filled with bright, colorful lilies. The sky was clear and the morning sun cast dappled light through the leaves of the nearby trees. As Lindsey looked on, a tiny bird flew down to perch on the edge of a birdbath in the center of the garden.
Seriously? The scene couldn’t have been more picturesque. Clearly, it was a sign.
Lindsey glanced over at the desk. On top of it was a sketchpad and an assortment of pencils and boxes of charcoal. She grabbed the sketchpad and a stick of charcoal, pulled a chair over to the window, and sat down.
Taking a deep breath, she put the charcoal to the paper and began to sketch.
Lindsey put her sketchpad down in her lap. It had taken her several attempts, but she’d finally managed to capture the scene before her in a way that she didn’t hate. The lighting wasn’t right, and the leaves on the trees were nothing more than vague scribbles, but it was a lot better than her first few attempts. The floor around her was littered with crumpled up balls of sketch paper.
Lindsey looked around. She was sure there was a clock in here somewhere. She spotted the old timepiece on the sideboard and gasped. It was 12:30. She’d been in here for hours! And she was late for lunch with Camilla. Lindsey cursed. One of Camilla’s rules was to stick to the schedule.
And Lindsey had learned her lesson about breaking Camilla’s rules.
She returned her sketchpad to the desk, and dashed out into the hall, heading for the dining room. When she reached it, she almost knocked June over outside the doorway. Lindsey murmured an apology and entered the room.
Camilla was sitting at her place at the table, flicking through a newspaper, her empty plate pushed aside. She looked up at Lindsey. “How nice of you to finally join me.”
“I’m sorry, Mistress!” Lindsey said. “I lost track of time. I was working on a sketch.”
“In that case, I’ll let it slide.” Camilla pushed out the chair next to her. “Sit. June will bring you lunch.”
Lindsey sat down, her stomach rumbling. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was. Almost immediately, June appeared and set down a plate of sandwiches before Lindsey, then disappeared again. Lindsey began to wolf them down.
“I take it you were enjoying yourself?” Camilla asked.
“I don’t know if enjoying is the right word,” Lindsey said. “It was difficult. And frustrating. It was like I’d forgotten everything I’d ever learned. But after a while, it all came back to me.” A smile spread across her face. “God, I’d forgotten what that felt like. To get so lost in something that it’s like the rest of the world just fades away. It’s a great feeling.”
“I’m happy for you,” Camilla said. “And I’m proud of you.”
A warm flush washed over her. “You were right. I just needed a little push.”
After a few more minutes of conversation, Camilla got up and placed her hand on Lindsey’s forearm. “I have to go make a few work calls. But once you’re done with lunch, come find me in the library and we can spend a bit of time together. Unfortunately, I need to get some work done, but I can do it with you there.”