“It’s my pleasure. But you’re going to have to do something for me too.” Camilla’s voice took on that serious tone she always used when she made demands. “There’s a credit card in the top drawer of the desk in my study. I want you to take it with you when you go into the city tomorrow and buy something to wear the night that I come back.”
“What kind of something?” Lindsey asked.
“A dress, and some other pieces. There are several boutiques downtown that I frequent. I’ll send you their details, as well as some suggestions. Just mention my name, and they’ll help you pick out something appropriate. We’ll be having a dinner date in the garden. And after dinner, we’ll see where the night takes us. Maybe we’ll have dessert in the playroom again.”
Lindsey felt a throb of desire. “Okay,” she said. But ‘Yes, Mistress’ was what she really meant.
“I look forward to seeing what you pick out for me.”
Lindsey hung up the phone and turned back around. Faith was still stretched out on the bed, smiling.
“What?” Lindsey asked.
“Nothing,” Faith replied. “What did Camilla want?”
“She’s staying in Seattle for a few more days. She’s booked a spa day for us as an apology.” Lindsey fell down onto the bed next to her friend. “And, we’re going shopping.”
Lindsey slipped her jeans back on and pulled her blouse over her head, then flattened down her hair in the dressing room mirror. She and Faith only had ten minutes before their spa appointment. They’d been shopping all morning at Camilla’s boutiques of choice. The ‘suggestions’ Camilla sent Lindsey ended up being a set of specific instructions on what to buy.
It was typical of Camilla. Even when asking Lindsey to pick out something herself, Camilla was still pulling the strings. Lindsey didn’t mind. She was doing this for her Mistress, after all.
Besides, Lindsey had decided to get a little something to complete the outfit. Something that would really surprise Camilla.
She opened the curtain and joined Faith outside the dressing room.
“What did you decide on?” Faith asked.
Lindsey held up a baby blue bra and panty set made of silk and lace. It cost a fortune, but Camilla was paying for it. Camilla hadn’t actually told Lindsey to buy lingerie. Lindsey hoped that Camilla would be pleased by the gesture rather than angry at Lindsey for acting without her Mistress’s express permission.
Her Mistress. This wasn’t the first time Lindsey had thought of Camilla as ‘her Mistress’ rather than just ‘Camilla.’ It was happening more and more lately, and it did little to help with Lindsey’s confusion about her feelings. It was ironic, really. Lindsey had gone into this faking attraction to Camilla and even faking her sexuality.
But right now, everything felt very real.
“Earth to Lindsey,” Faith said.
“Right,” Lindsey pulled herself together. “Let’s go pay for this.”
“Hold on. Is something the matter?”
“I don’t know.” Lindsey sighed. “It’s just that, this whole sugar baby thing was just supposed to be a way to make some money. And then when I met Camilla, we really clicked, and I thought, maybe this could be fun. But now that we’ve gotten closer, and we’re having mind-blowing sex, I’ve started having all these feelings about her. What does that mean?”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Faith said. “So you’re into Camilla. It’s not like you have to slap a rainbow bumper sticker on your car now.”
“It’s not that simple. I know it is for you, but it isn’t for me. I’ve never been anything other than straight. And if I do have feelings for Camilla, what does that make me?”
“Does it matter? Attraction isn’t always black and white. Everyone’s experience is different. Maybe you like women. Maybe you just like sex with women. Maybe you just like sex with Camilla. Or maybe, you just like her, period. You don’t have to put a label on whatever it is you feel.”
“But I don’t even know what it is I feel toward her. For starters, I can’t figure out whether I’m attracted to her dominant side, or if it’s really her that I’m attracted to.”
“Aren’t they the same thing?” Faith asked. “Isn’t her dominant side just a part of her?”
“I guess.” After all, Lindsey’s submissive side was a part of her too. “But I don’t know if my feelings are because we’ve been doing all these intimate things together and I’m mistaking that closeness for something else. And I don’t know whether my attraction to her is romantic, or if I’m just getting caught up in this lie that we’re living together. I’ve never felt anything like this toward another woman before. How am I supposed to know if it’s real or not?”
“I don’t know,” Faith said. “But maybe it would be easier to figure out the answers to these questions if your feelings for Camilla weren’t all wrapped up in your ideas about yourself. It sounds like you’re trying to come to terms with the fact that maybe your sexuality isn’t what you think it is while trying to work out how you feel toward Camilla at the same time.” She squeezed Lindsey’s arm. “Stop worrying about what you think you should or shouldn’t feel, and just let yourself feel it.”
Was it really that easy? Could Lindsey just let go of everything she knew about herself and embrace her feelings for Camilla? That undeniable pull she felt whenever she was in her Mistress’s presence? That insatiable need to please her? The electric charge that went through Lindsey’s body whenever Camilla touched her?
And was there really any point in doing that when everything between them was pretend?