“Yes. You were right.”
“Aren’t I always?” Vanessa reached across the table and placed her hand on Mel’s arm. “See? Sometimes it’s worth giving something new a chance.”
“I know. It’s just hard, you know? To be open to anything new and different after being disappointed so many times.” Mel picked up her fork and prodded at her food. “It’s silly of me, I know.”
“Why do you do that?” Vanessa asked.
“Do what?”
“Dismiss your feelings. Pretend that they aren’t important.”
“I’m not…” Mel sighed. “It’s a habit, I guess. When I was growing up, having any feelings at all was a weakness I could never afford to indulge in. I always felt like I had to be strong all the time because I had no one else I could rely on.”
“Where were your parents in all this?” Vanessa asked.
“My dad left when I was young. And my mom didn’t like how much I reminded her of my dad. So she basically left me to fend for myself. And she was an alcoholic, so she wasn’t exactly reliable. She always found new ways to let me down. And even when she was actually around, she wasn’t really present
.” Mel blinked. She had never told anyone that much about her parents. Not since Kim. And Kim had only used it against her.
“That’s awful. I’m sorry. No child deserves to be treated like that.”
Mel shrugged. “Well, at the very least it taught me to be independent. And it made me want to escape my dead-end life and make something of myself. It’s probably why I’m such a control freak. I’ve always tried to create a sense of stability to cope with the uncertainty that was around me as a kid.”
Vanessa gave Mel a small smile. “We’re all products of our upbringing, aren’t we? My parents? They had high expectations of me, to the point where they were overbearing and controlling.” She took a sip of her wine. “My father was a mechanic and my mother was a nurse. They spent their entire lives working themselves into the ground. They wanted me to have a better life than they did, so they put a lot of pressure on me to succeed.”
“That sounds hard.”
“It was. As their only child, they put all their hopes and dreams on me. They loved me, but their love was conditional on me being perfect in every way. So I ended up internalizing their attitudes. I told myself that I had to excel at everything I did. And I sought to control those around me like my parents did to me. Which I clearly haven’t outgrown. We’re all hostages of our pasts.”
They sat in comfortable silence as they waited for the next course. It arrived with another bottle of wine. By the time they had finished with everything but dessert, they were halfway through the second bottle.
Suddenly, Mel remembered. “Vanessa. You paid off my student loans?”
“Yes. It was nothing, really. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if it would make you happy, or mad. I know how independent you are.”
“It bothered me a little at first. But then I realized I was being irrational,” Mel said. “Either that, or your lavish gifts are softening me up.”
“Really? Because I’ve been holding back.” Vanessa said. “Next time I’ll have Elena drop off a new car for you. Or keys to a bigger apartment.”
“I don’t think so,” Mel said, trying to look as resolute as possible.
“Suit yourself.”
“I’m going to keep working at The Lounge,” Mel said. She didn’t need to anymore. Without loans to pay off, her scholarships would cover most of her living expenses.
“I expected as much,” Vanessa said. “If it were up to me, you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life. I’d look after you in every way.”
Mel raised an eyebrow. “What, like some sort of sugar baby?”
“You would never allow that, would you? You should know, you’re the first woman who hasn’t simply let me do whatever the hell I want with you. Outside the bedroom, that is.” Vanessa lowered her voice. “You have no idea how infuriating it is. It only makes me want you even more.”
Mel suppressed a smile. Knowing that she drove Vanessa crazy in her own way was extremely satisfying.
“I do respect you for it, though. I respect anyone who values independence. Besides, I think your friends would miss you if you quit working at The Lounge. James in particular.” Vanessa smiled. “You made quite an impression last night.”
“Oh god.” Mel buried her face in her hands. “What was on the voicemail James left you?”
“Quite a lot. Including something about you all getting kicked out of the bar. He was quite drunk, it was very hard to understand him.”