Mel thought back to when she had been agonizing over whether she had scared Vanessa off. She had been wrong about the reason, but at least now she knew it wasn’t all in her imagination.
“And that night two weeks ago at Lilith’s when you were angry with me. It reminded me far too much of the way Rose used to push boundaries. And once again, I found myself in a position where someone I cared about was behaving recklessly in a situation where I could potentially hurt them. That’s why I reacted the way I did. And when you said Rose’s name? I fell apart. I couldn’t handle being reminded of how I’d failed to keep her safe.”
Mel suddenly remembered something that Vanessa had said the night of their fight at Lilith’s. Do you have any idea what it’s like to live with that sort of guilt? Mel felt sick to her stomach. She hadn’t caught it back then, but now it all made sense. And she’d made it so much worse by throwing Rose’s name at Vanessa without knowing the gravity it held. The horror of what she’d done and said hit her at once.
“So I pushed you away. I shut the world out. I got lost in my own head. Which is why it took me so long to realize that I’d done the one thing you feared more than anything.”
Mel looked down, her vision blurring with tears.
“Oh, Melanie. I’m so sorry. For lashing out at you, for disappearing when I should have been there. I never meant to abandon you. I need you to know that.” Vanessa took Mel’s hand across the table. “I will never leave you again, Melanie. You mean more to me than you could ever know.”
Mel’s heart slowed. Vanessa’s hand felt heavy in hers. She looked into Vanessa’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Vanessa. All those things that I did, all those things that I said to you—I had no idea. I should never have said any of it. I was angry, and careless, and stupid.” Mel wanted to say that everything was fine now. That they could just go back to the way things were. But Mel was far too overwhelmed by everything. So she did what she always did. She retreated. “I just… I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Mel pulled her hand away.
“Melanie, wait…”
“Goodbye, Vanessa.” Ignoring the pleading look in Vanessa’s eyes, Mel stood up and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“That’s it for the day, everyone,” Professor Carr said. “And for the year. Congratulations on making it through your first year of law school.” She
crossed her arms and leaned back on her desk. “Don’t get too excited. Your second year will make this year seem like kindergarten.”
The class broke out into chatter. Mel gathered her things and followed Jess to the door absently. Now that school was over for the year, she had nothing to distract her from what was really on her mind.
“Melanie, can I see you for a moment?” Professor Carr waved Mel over to her desk.
“Sure.” Mel told Jess she’d catch up with her later.
“Melanie. How would you like to be my intern this summer?” Professor Carr asked.
“What?” A smile broke out on Mel’s face. “Seriously?”
“Yep. Your performance in class impressed me. Plus, you aced your final exam. Top of the class by the way. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Professor.”
“So is that a yes?”
“Yes,” Mel said. “Of course.”
Professor Carr smiled. “I’ll be in touch over the next few days. Enjoy your free time while you have it because you’re going to be working hard all summer.”
“Okay. Thanks, Professor.”
Jess was waiting for Mel out in the hall. “So? Did you get the internship?”
“Yep,” Mel replied.
“That’s great, Mel!”
“Yeah. I guess so.” Mel gave Jess a weak smile.
“That’s more like it! Let’s go out to celebrate. Now that school is over, you have no more excuses. And I know you don’t have work tonight.”
“I don’t know,” Mel said. “I just want to go home and relax.”
“By relax, do you mean ‘sulk about Vanessa?’” Jess asked. “When was the last time you left the house for something other than work or school?”