“When what?”
“When I was going through some things. I was young, and I went off the rails. It’s a period of my life that I prefer to forget.”
“That’s supposed to justify it?” April wasn’t sure exactly what ‘it’ was. The way Vicki had toyed with Lexi? The fact that Vicki had forgotten about ever taking her home? Everything that said about Vicki? It was all tangled up in one big knot in April’s head.
“No, of course not,” Vicki said. “I take full responsibility for the way I behaved. I treated Lexi badly, and I’m sorry.”
This wasn’t the reaction April was expecting. “Aren’t you going to try to explain yourself?”
“I’m not going to make excuses for my behavior.”
“I don’t want excuses. I want to know why.” April’s voice quavered. “And I want to know that you’re not that person anymore.”
“That person?” Vicki said. “You mean that spoiled, rich womanizer who leads women on and only cares about herself?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I’m aware of what people say about me. The truth is, I earned that reputation. As for whether I’m still that person? I’d like to think I’m not.” Vicki folded her hands in her lap. “Look, to start off with, I want you to know that I didn’t keep this from you on purpose. I would never keep something from you that I thought would hurt you.”
April felt a twinge in her chest.
“As for why I behaved the way I did that night and so many other nights? It’s complicated.” Vicki stared intently at her barely touched drink. “You’ve seen firsthand what my parents are like. Things were tough for me growing up. As an outsider in my own family, I lived a lonely life. It left me with a lot of scars. As an adult, I struggled to form meaningful relationships, so instead, I formed superficial ones. And I’m not proud to say it, but I embraced the advantages my privilege gave me. I played the role of the rich playgirl, drinking, flirting, and throwing around money to win women over. It was an easy way for me to feel a connection with someone, even if it wasn’t real.”
A heavy ache filled April’s stomach. She knew what it was like to be an outsider, to feel that desperate loneliness.
“That night with Lexi was around the time my parents cut me out of their lives. I was in a bad place, so I spent my days and nights indulging in all my favorite vices. I was careless about it, too. And Lexi was one of the victims of my callousness.
“I regret the way I behaved back then,” Vicki said. “I’m not proud of the person I was. And I’m sorry for the way I treated your friend.” Vicki placed her hand on April’s. “I’m not that person anymore. It’s taken a long time, but I’ve changed, and grown, and I’m trying to be better.”
April searched Vicki’s face, unsure whether she was looking for a reason to believe Vicki, or a reason not to believe her. The truth was, April had been looking for reasons not to trust her since day one, reasons to deny her feelings for Vicki.
But April couldn’t ignore them any longer.
“I can’t hold your past against you,” April finally said. “And you’ve shed your womanizing ways?”
“Of course,” Vicki replied. “You’re the only woman I’ve been with in god knows how long. It took me a while, but I realized how hollow that life was. I kept going to my old haunts, but I always went home alone. The night I met you, I wasn’t lying when I said I was hoping someone exceptional would walk through the door. And you did.” Vicki smiled. “Of course, as soon as I started talking to you, I went into player mode
out of habit. But I never meant for you to be a one-night stand.”
“Really?” April asked. “Because I remember you being very eager to get me out of my dress.”
“What, a woman can’t want both sex and a relationship?”
April stared at her. “You wanted a relationship?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to ask you to move in after one night,” Vicki said. “But I wanted to get to know you and see where things could go between us. And then the town hall meeting happened.”
April was silent. There was a question that had been lingering at the back of her mind for a while now.
“Have you ever wondered what would have happened if it wasn’t for, well, everything?” April asked. “Do you think that if the circumstances were different, there could have been something between us?”
“I’d like to think so,” Vicki said. “Who knows, maybe once everything with the library is resolved, we can start over, give a real relationship a try?”
A real relationship. It seemed like such a distant possibility. But right now, April wanted nothing more. “I would like that.” April smiled. “That is, as long as that relationship isn’t-” What was the word Vicki always used? “—vanilla.”
A spark lit up behind Vicki’s eyes. “Are you saying you still want to be my submissive?”
“I’m saying, I want you to make good on your promise to give me a taste of all those toys in your closet.”