For now.
Chapter Nine
Two weeks had passed, and he realized he was a liar. He didn’t want to take what he could get and settle without her. Why the hell hadn’t he told Gracie that? Why had he let her walk out of his life, not just once but multiple times?
Maybe I’m a coward.
Coming to that realization in the middle of a long, sleepless night hadn’t helped him whatsoever. Lack of decent sleep over a long stretch had left him near delirious. Dealing with a woman who pretended she didn’t give a shit did that to a man.
A man who most definitely gave a shit about her and who she was and what she was feeling.
Hunter scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Again. It was almost five in the morning, and his thoughts made him sound like a wimpy ass, let alone feel like one. But he didn’t care. He was finally going to embrace the truth.
One night, even a handful of nights with Gracie Hayes weren’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted everything.
And she wasn’t willing to give it.
Dull pain ripped through him, and he gave up the fight. Climbing out of bed, he padded into the connecting bathroom and reached inside the shower, flicking on the water. He’d take a shower. Check his email, maybe watch the morning news. He’d eat something if his stomach wasn’t still such a queasy mess, but he doubted that would go away anytime soon.
Unless, by chance, Gracie knocked on his door within the next hour and announced she’d die without him permanently in her life.
He laughed out loud at that thought.
Shedding his underwear, he stepped into the shower and stood under the hot spray of water. Steam rose around him, enveloping him in a warm fog. As usual, his thoughts drifted to that last night in Los Angeles. When she’d given in and allowed him to drag her into his hotel room.
He’d fucked her standing against the doorway. Taking her like a savage beast, losing himself in her because it was so easy. Too easy. She’d let him, encouraged him, had screamed his name when the orgasm he gave her rushed through her. The surge of primal satisfaction he’d felt when they were finished had been so overwhelming, he’d felt like a macho ass.
A macho ass who’d just claimed his woman.
They’d shared his room service meal, playfully feeding each other and he marveled at the change in her. She became loose and free, laughing and joking and filling him with such a bright light he was warmed by it. After they ate, they took a shower together, soaping each other’s bodies, sliding against each other, their mouths fused. Until she’d gone to her knees and sucked him deep. He lost all semblance of control, coming inside her mouth within moments. He’d apologized, feeling like an idiot, and she’d laughed in answer.
He’d fallen a little more in love with her at that very moment.
To relive those memories was both a joy and a punishment. Because just as tangible and recent that those memories were, they were also just that. A reminder of what they shared and how utterly perfect it had been—but only for a fleeting moment he felt he’d forever be chasing.
Their reality was much more disappointing.
Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the cool tile wall, the water tapping an incessant beat against his skin. Women did not do this to him. They just…didn’t. He’d always been able to move on, even if he wasn’t the one who hadn’t ended it first. That was rare but hey, he could admit he wasn’t perfect. He’d been dumped a few times.
But nothing was as devastating, as all-consuming as this. He missed Gracie so much, he ached with it. He saw her five days a week at work, spent a lot of time with her, especially this last week while they planned the launch event for Worthwhile.
It wasn’t the same. She was different at work. Professional, distant and so wicked smart he found himself listening to her in a daze, entranced by her like an idiot. Why she couldn’t let down her guard and really let him in, he didn’t know.
Had a feeling he would never know, and that realization near crushed him.
Straightening, he submerged himself under the shower spray and reached for the shampoo, then lathered up his hair. He needed to buck the hell up and quick. This pining away crap wasn’t like him, and he needed to get back on track.
Slacking at work over a woman would infuriate Alex and give Rhett ammunition to use against him later. The very last thing he wanted to do.
Hunter closed his eyes and rinsed his head. How the hell had Alex dealt with it all? That push and pull intensity of a fledging relationship with someone he worked with? He remembered when Tessa left. How devastated Alex had been, though he’d hidden it well. With lots of blustering and shitty behavior, everyone had just believed he was extra grumpy.
But Hunter had seen the truth. The bleakness in Alex’s gaze, the depression that hung over him like a dark cloud. Guilt had filled Hunter because he’d played a part in Tessa’s leaving. He’d accused her of stealing company secrets when she’d been innocent—Alex had reacted to Hunter’s revelations out of pure instinct.
And it had nearly cost his brother to lose the woman he loved—and their baby—forever.
Gritting his teeth with determination, Hunter forced himself to get through the shower. The mundane morning preparations before he went to work. All of it. He was made of stronger stuff and he needed to prove it.
More than anything, he needed to prove it to himself.