Compared to stoic misery, her temper was welcome. He spoke the truth he’d discovered during those nightmare moments in the English Channel. And again when Leath had struck her. Still, he was a proud man. His voice emerged flat and hard. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She didn’t seem to hear. “It’s time to stop playing my knight, Cam. I’m no longer your responsibility.”
“You damn well are,” he said in a dangerous tone, lurching to his feet.
“By helping Harry, I deceived you. I knew how you abhorred scandal and I went ahead anyway.” She looked more a duchess than ever before, standing boldly in a rundown room in this shabby quarter of Liverpool. “And I’d do it again. So while I’m sorry you’re angry and I’m definitely sorry the story hit the papers, I don’t regret my actions.”
“I forgive you.”
A poignant smile touched her lips. “No, you don’t. And neither you should. I’m doing what’s best for you.”
“Which entails falling on your sword, I gather,” he said acidly. “Pen, I want you to stay.”
“Very kind.”
“I’m not bloody kind.”
She cast him a pitying glance. “Of course you are. But I’m no longer taking advantage of your good nature. I set you free.”
“I don’t damn well want to be free.” He fought the urge to snatch her into his arms and kiss her until she shut up. Instinct warned that he needed to win this battle with words alone.
Words weren’t his métier. At least words about emotions.
“Perhaps I already carry your heir.” With an expression he couldn’t read, she placed one hand over her belly. “I know it’s my duty to give you a child.”
He stared at her aghast, even as the glorious idea of his child inside her shuddered through him. “Would it only be duty, Pen?”
She didn’t answer. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself. The room was chilly, but he knew that more than the temperature made her shiver. “I’m sorry I’ve ruined your life, Cam.”
“What rot.”
Her face was wan. “And I’m sorry I betrayed you. At least let me tell you why I did it.”
His slashing gesture dismissed explanations. “I know exactly why.” His voice deepened with the certainty that had struck him, vilely late, when she’d flung herself between Harry and Leath. “You did it out of love. You’ve done everything out of love.”
Shock jolted Pen from self-flagellation. “But you don’t believe in love.”
“I believe in you,” he said quietly.
“I don’t understand.” His avowal didn’t soften her attitude. “Not long ago, you hated me.”
He sighed and moved across to lean against the wall, hoping it held his weight. The whole building looked likely to collapse. A bit the way his pride was about to collapse around his ears. “I was angry.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“And I was hurt,” he said with more difficulty.
They were both aware what that confession cost him. From earliest boyho
od, he’d done his best to deny his emotions. He had much to blame his parents for, not least the painful gossip about his bastardy. But only in the last hour had he realized that their worst crime against him was the way they’d made him mistrust his deepest feelings.
Pen didn’t speak and Cam realized that to win what he wanted, he had to lay his soul out before her. “All my life I’ve kept people at a distance.”
“I know.”
“I can’t keep you at a distance.”
“That’s desire,” she said flatly. “Once you stop wanting me, you’ll put me back into my place.”