Dirty Little Angel

As the weeks went by in New York, YB and Chaos got settled in and became used to the Bronx and its way of life. For YB, the setting was much faster and nosier than Philly, but it quickly became home to him and he thought about his options in New York. They stayed at the Howard Johnson for two weeks. They bought new clothes for themselves and toured Harlem, Brooklyn, and even Queens.

YB wanted to become familiar with the city and see how things operated. He took the subway. He drove around in his truck. He walked around the Bronx alone some nights with his Glock on him. He wanted to get familiar with faces and streets. He wanted to learn the city because he hated being lost. The borough was so different from the west side of Philly but then it was also the same: ghetto, the drugs, some areas unkempt, and there was crime. New York just seemed like it was more extreme than in Philly.

YB and Chaos now had a life together, and Chaos wanted to forget about her past and start over. With the money they had stashed, she wanted to venture into doing something new for herself. It would have been easy for her to go down to the local strip clubs like Sexy Dancers or the Wedge Hall and get a gig dancing there, but she was tired of that life and told herself there had to be better choices. Chaos was aware that she had no education, no trades, no degrees, or any talent or skills to get paid like that, so she felt really limited with her career choices. YB was just a drug dealer/thug from the streets of Philly. It was hard for them at first to settle in with something.

For three weeks, all they truly did was fuck each other’s brains out. If they weren’t fucking they were wining and dining in the city, going on shopping sprees and enjoying their cash and youth.

Chaos went back to her old neighborhood over by East 181st Street and Tiebout Avenue. She wanted to see if some of her old friends were still around. She was excited about being back home and wondered how much her hood had changed as she drove YB’s truck down the Grand Concourse.

When she reached 181st Street and Ryer Avenue, Chaos parked the truck and stepped out into the warm air and took a deep breath. The place still looked the same in her eyes; the same buildings still standing, the streets soiled with trash, cars and trucks of all brands lined down the street, making it hard to find parking. The block was filled mostly with Hispanic people going about their business, some lounging around and playing their reggaeton loudly.

Chaos smiled again and looked up at the building she had called home for three years of her life. She had lived there with her foster mother Ms. Joseph and her wild grandson J.K. before she ran away to Philly.

Ms. Joseph was one of the very few who actually loved and cared for Chaos. She was put into Ms. Joseph’s care when she was fifteen, and by that time, Chaos was already seasoned to the street life and was a hard young woman to deal with. Ms. Joseph put her all into trying to help Chaos with her life and wanted to raise her right. It was difficult since she was in her mid-sixties and her own grandson was on the verge of destroying himself with drugs and the streets.

Chaos would put her foster mother through hell stealing, fighting, drug use, and sleeping around. Even behind her foster mother’s back, she fucked J.K. a few times in her own home. Ms. Joseph was unaware of her grandson and Chaos’s sexual encounters but she wasn’t naïve to the destructive behavior going on in Chaos.

As the years passed, Ms. Joseph’s health began to fail her and J.K. was doing city time at Rikers Island. When it was just getting good with Chaos and Ms. Joseph, her foster mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness and two months later her best friend Rachael was killed on the streets. Three months shy of her eighteenth birthday and before the city could take her away again and place her into another shitty foster home, Chaos ran away to Philly and met Crown.

Chaos stared up at the building she once called home and reminisced about the good and bad times she had. She wondered if Ms. Joseph was still around. She took a deep breath and walked toward the building.

She moved through the lobby and when she reached the eighth floor of the building her heart began to race. Moving down the narrow project corridor, Chaos recalled some crazy nights when her boyfriends would fondle her in the hallways and when she would suck dick in the staircases. She thought about the fights she had with jealous girls who hated on her because of her looks and body.

Chaos stopped in front of her old apartment door and knocked three times. She waited patiently for a response.

“Who is it?” she heard a woman ask.

“Hello, my name is Chaos—I mean, Danielle. I’m lookin’ for a Ms. Joseph,” Chaos spoke loudly through the door.

The door opened and, hoping that it was Ms. Joseph, Chaos smiled. Her smiled faded when a younger woman in her early forties appeared instead.

“Ms. Joseph? I haven’t heard that name in a while,” the lady said.

“Is she here?” Chaos asked eagerly.

The woman looked at Chaos with a saddened gaze. “I’m sorry, young lady, but Ms. Joseph passed away two years ago. I’m her daughter, Wendy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought . . . never mind,” Chaos stuttered. “Your mother was my foster parent.”

Chaos began to leave but Wendy asked, “Would you like to come in for a while?”

Chaos thought about it for a quick moment. “Sure.”

Wendy welcomed Chaos into her home with open arms. When Chaos walked in she had flashbacks of her previous life with Ms. Joseph. Some things were the same, like the furniture, but many things had changed inside.

She noticed a few pictures of Ms. Joseph hanging around the apartment and knew it was definitely her daughter who was maintaining the place.

“So you’re one of the children that my mother took into foster care,” Wendy said.

“Yeah, I’m Chaos—I mean, Danielle. I just got back into town and, you know, I wanted to say hi. Your mother was one of the nicer ones that I had come into my life. I respected her ’cause she treated me right. I’m sorry for your loss,” Chaos stated.

Wendy smiled. “She lived a happy life. She loved children and was a teacher for over thirty years. But I remember you. My mother would call me and always had something to say about you. She said that you were one of the promising kids who were smart and had potential to do something with their life. You weren’t perfect, but who was?” She smiled again. “But my mother did like you.”

Chaos smiled at the news. “I miss her,” she admitted.

“I miss her too. She was a good mother and a friend. But she was loved and is in a better place now.”

Chaos glanced around and stared at a few photos of Ms. Joseph.