Dirty Little Angel

“I’m here to only counsel, not judge,” he assured her.

She looked him in the eye and admitted, “Before I came back to the Bronx, I was involved in a double murder back in Philly. And my friend, Sweet, got caught up in the crossfire and lost her life. My pimp and his sleazy cousin ended up dead in the basement of his home.” Danielle was in tears. “What can I do? I mean, I’m scared, Pastor Moore. I’m scared for my life and my baby’s. And I’m lost without YB. I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead.”

Danielle looked upset and it worried Pastor Moore. He placed his hands on her shoulder and tried to console her. “Look to God, my child,

because we are all lost without Him. But you confess your sins to Him and let it go. I know you’re scared. We all get scared, but your mistakes can be washed away and your worries will no longer trouble you.”

“But we’re talkin’ about murder,” Danielle said, trying to watch her language around the pastor. “Should I go to the police and let them know what happened? I don’t wanna go to jail. It happened so many months ago that I just wanna forget about everything and live a new life. I also keep having these dreams that one day it will all come to a violent end for me and that my baby is going to suffer. My mother was never there for me so I wanna be there for my child.”

Pastor Moore sighed heavily. The situation that Danielle was in was not an easy one to just walk away from. It was much deeper than he alone could handle.

“Do you fear that someone will come after you?” he asked.

“I know they will sooner or later. We took a lot of money from them,” she admitted.

Pastor Moore looked Danielle straight in the eyes and said, “I need you to continue to be truthful with me. No lies, just be honest with me.”

Danielle nodded.

“Now when you say that you were involved, do you mean that you murdered a man yourself or were you only there to witness the killing?” he asked.

“I, I had the gun in my hand and was with my two friends. We were down in the basement holding my pimp hostage at gunpoint. He was so evil to us that I wanted to see him dead so we set him up to get robbed. I wanted my revenge ’cause he used to hurt me so bad when he got upset. Suddenly, his younger cousin came busting into the room shooting. I quickly shot back and so did everyone else. I don’t know who hit him, but he died. Everything happened so fast that it’s hard to remember.

“I remember YB’s cousin, Rufus, shot my pimp dead after he tried to kill YB. I just stood and watched it all unfold in front of my eyes. Then Sweet just got hit by a stray bullet and I hate myself for her death every day,” Danielle wailed.

Pastor Moore bowed his head and quickly prayed for Sweet’s soul as well as Danielle’s. “There’s not much I can do for you, Danielle, except pray for you and continue to talk with you. I’m here for you and I will not abandon you, nor will this church. But you need to contact the proper authorities and let them know your side of the story. They need to start an investigation into your allegations.”

“But there’s a chance that I might go to jail! And then who’s gonna look after my baby? No, I can’t abandon her like my mother did me. What kind of life is she goin’ to have wit’ me being locked up? Huh, Pastor? I mean, Crown was an asshole, the things he did to me was wrong and some nights, I still feel afraid. I still cry and cringe when I think about the horror I endured. But my baby is innocent. She’s goin’ to need her mother in her life and you want me to turn myself in?” Danielle was horrified.

“You need to do something, Danielle. I understand that you’re scared and have a profound concern for your baby’s well-being, but a crime has been committed. And as a pastor of the church, I must advise you to confess to the proper authorities and put your sins into God’s hand and have Him take care of your worries,” Pastor Moore stated with deep concern.

Danielle’s eyes were filled with tears. She didn’t know what to say or what to do.

“Why it gotta be so hard, Pastor Moore? Huh? Why can’t life be fair to me, just once? It ain’t right! I wanna be happy. Ever since I was five years old, my family treated me like an outcast because of who my mother was and what she was about. That judgment was passed down to me and they teased me. Nobody was there to protect me or love me.

“And then I meet YB and he was the only one who cared. He was the only one who saw me for who I was and took the time to get to know me. He was the only one in my life who tried to protect me. And I love him. But now, it seems that he cares more about the streets in Philly than he does for me and his unborn child. Why does everyone keep leaving me, Pastor Moore?” Danielle sobbed. “Why can’t I live a regular life like everyone else? I will not leave my child. I refuse to give my baby up to the streets like my mother did me.”

Pastor Moore knew that Danielle had suffered so much in her short life and was in pain. He knew that one of her fears in life was abandonment by the one she loved.

“You know, God will never abandon you. Once you believe in the Almighty and what He’s capable of and accept Jesus Christ as your savior, then you are born again. But you must confess to Him and let go of the life you live now. The worries that you have, pass on to Him and you will be delivered from the wickedness of the world. But you must stay strong, Danielle. You must do what’s right,” Pastor Moore stated with passion.

Danielle looked at the pastor with uncertainty. The abandonment of her child, along with the possibility of going to jail was still rooted in her head. Even though she found some comfort in the Pastor’s words, she knew that she wasn’t going to turn herself in. “I need to think about it. I need to go home and rest.” Danielle stood slowly and dried the tears from her face. Her belly was growing and so were her worries about her life with YB.

Pastor Moore gave Danielle the church phone number, his cell phone number, and his home number. He wanted to keep in contact and make sure that if she needed him that he would be there. She was so young but he saw strength in her. He also saw a change in her and knew that motherhood was bringing something wonderful out of her.

Pastor Moore was concerned about Danielle and knew that she would not give up on her young child. She wanted to feel loved and appreciated, and in God’s house, she was already and loved. He just had to get her to see it.

Danielle hugged Pastor Moore tightly and thanked him for listening. He walked her to the door and once again encouraged her to think about her options and to make the right choice. He also guaranteed her that his door was always open when she needed to talk or needed help with anything. He told Danielle not to hesitate if she needed something. Danielle promised that she would be back but she wasn’t so sure that she would keep the promise. Maybe it was a start for her, but the only thing she cared strongly about were her pregnancy and her man, YB. Her life was already crazy and she didn’t want it to get even crazier by turning herself in to the police and taking a chance of not being a mother to her baby or, if given the chance, a wife to YB.

46

YB and Ray-Lo were ten miles from Delaware, on their way to see Bubbles at her hospital job. YB’s gut was telling him not to go there. He felt something in him that told him to head back to New York. Dusk was settling over the road and Ray-Lo was doing seventy-five down the long stretch of highway.

YB had his mind on Danielle and knew it was wrong for him to keep her out of the loop for the four days he’d been gone. He had been so focused on revenge and chasing Harlem that he literally forgot all about her and now guilt ate at him for failing to call. She was six months pregnant and he knew she loved him very much.

He stared out the passenger window, watching cars and trucks fly by on the highway as “Be Without You” by Mary J. Blige played on the radio.

Danielle was heavy in YB’s thoughts and he knew that it would probably be best to be with her—especially after everything that had happened in Philly with his mother and Rufus’s murders. She was in danger too since Harlem was still out there and killing everyone close to YB. Everyone he loved was being put to death.