“You did say make it kick.”
I nodded, grinning, for some reason starting to avoid making eye contact with him. Each time it was just too heady, too intense.
“Yeah, he’s a nobody. Just thought he was a nice guy. I’m trying to find a nice guy, you know?”
“You should,” he said. “Smart thing to do. If I had my way, you wouldn’t find a guy until you were thirty five and I was too old to do anything about it.”
“You can’t do anything about it now,” I teased him.
He shrugged, his shoulder muscles rippling. “You’re right. Hey, listen, you’re a beautiful, smart young woman. Don’t worry so much. You’ll find a man that you fall in love with, and he with you.”
I looked longingly at Matthew, my eyes traversing the features of his face without meeting his eyes. His full, kissable lips, the shape of his nose, his chin.
I’ve already found a man that I’ll fall in love with, I thought to myself, sighing. He’s just a man I cannot have.
“Hey,” he said, sensing my sadness. He came around the counter and put his hand on my shoulder. “Baby, I thought you said this guy was a nobody?”
“He is,” I said, my voice starting to thicken. “I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”
“Is there anything else on your mind?” he asked, kneeling down beside me. I turned on my stool to face him.
“Yeah,” I said, taking a big sip from the g-and-t. “In fact, I have found someone I can love.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” I said, looking at Matthew’s face. For a moment it seemed like there was… disappointment there. Could it be that…? No, that was for sure not the case.
“And?”
“I don’t think he loves me back.”
“Do you know?”
I shook my head. “Truthfully, no. But there’s something more.”
“What?” He was looking at me intently now, as if he was somehow invested more than he should be. It was almost as like he cared about the answer as much as I did.
“Well,” I said, starting to stall, losing my confidence. I took another sip from the drink, felt it all rushing through my body, my senses. “It’s just…”
“What is it, baby? You can trust me. You know that, right?”
“I know,” I said, putting a trembling finger to my lips. “It’s just, even if he did love me, I couldn’t be with him.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” I said, taking a deep breath and rubbing my knees nervously. “It’s wrong.”
“Wrong?”
“Not allowed.”
“By who?”
I blinked. “By everybody!”
“Lexi, baby,” he said, standing up and looking down on me. “Don’t let anyone else tell you who you can and cannot be with. That choice is between you, and the other person.”
“What if I don’t know the other person’s choice?”