“I don’t know. I freak out about relationships. Stephen joined the Church, for God’s sake—”
“No pun intended?” Kate slot in.
I ignored her. “—and I messed up things with Antonio in Rome, and John, this guy I dated for a millisecond—I should never even have gone out with him. It’s like I sabotage myself.”
“Okay, but do you like him?” Madison asked.
I shrugged. “I feel looser with him. With John, I always wanted to put my best foot forward. But I think since I disliked Ryan so much at first, I honestly didn’t care what he thought of me, and now... It allows me to be snarky, or dorky, or bad-tempered. I feel really comfortable with him. I mean, not to say that he doesn’t drive me crazy and piss me off—but it feels like he’s been doing that forever, you know?”
“No,” Madison said flatly.
“I know.” Carly rolled her eyes.
Kate laughed. “So have you guys hooked up?”
“I kissed him on Saturday.” I gnawed on my lip and made a face. “I really like him.” I only allowed it to hit me now, here, safe with my oldest friends. “I guess I’m just scared. I don’t want this to tear me apart.”
Even with the lows, there’re all those highs. And isn’t that better than a life of mediocrity?
“Maybe,” I whispered, and looked up at the warm, concerned faces of my friends. “But maybe I should go for it?”
“If you like him that much, yeah,” Carly said. “And you want someone you can be that comfortable with. Especially if he ge
ts past the rest of your impossible standards.”
“So tell us about him,” Madison demanded.
“Oh. Well. You might have heard of him.
“Excuse me?”
I grinned sheepishly. “He’s kind of famous.”
“What!”
“Good for you!”
“Who is it?”
Kate grinned widely, hazel eyes sparkling. “I bet it’s an author. Scruffy. Hipster.”
“No, she didn’t meet him through work,” Carly said. “I bet rock star.”
“This is New York,” Madison countered. “Lawyer? CEO?”
I rolled over and grinned at the ceiling. “Actually, he’s a football player. Quarterback for the New York Leopards.”
They all looked absolutely flabbergasted.
“You are not dating Ryan Carter,” Carly sounded utterly shocked. “No freaking way.”
“No, we’re definitely not dating. Just—flirting.” I felt unnaturally buoyant and cheerful.
“Oh my God.” Madison got over her own speechlessness. “My brothers adore him. They have posters of him all over their rooms. Even Daddy thinks he’s great.”
“Okay.” Kate looked around. “I am totally shocked that you’re dating a football player, but I have to say—who’s Ryan Carter?”
I laughed and threw my arms around her. “I love you so much. That was exactly my reaction.”