Besides, whereas I have difficulty with the tales of teenaged antics, she has none. Sue has moved onward, putting aside the quirky escapades as irrelevant. From a psychological aspect, we have two opposing viewpoints concerning the clandestine rendezvous. Sue seems to shrug off our escapades in a ‘c’est la vie’, such is life attitude. Obviously, I have been unable to do the same. Therefore as adults, we have never fully explored each other’s feelings about those many afternoons.
“How have you been, Bob?”
“Good Sue, and you?”
“Fine. Got a call from some woman today, a Dr. Evans.”
Miss Denise! The hair stands on the back of my neck. My voice falters and I feign clearing my throat as I search for words.
“Bob? You there?”
“Yes, that’s Denise Evans.”
“So you know her. Good. I will return her call tomorrow. Her message indicates it’s in regard to you and it’s important. When I saw that she was a doctor, I thought there was a problem.”
“Ah, well, I have met her.”
“Is everything OK?”
“Ah, yes.”
“Then it’s OK to talk with her.”
My stepsister attorney is deposing me and I am entrapped. How can I answer that all is OK, but please do not speak with Miss Denise? How can I explain to Miss Denise that after promising to disclose all, tell every detail, I instructed my sister not to speak with her?
“Dr. Evans is doing some type of survey, I’m sure she just has some simple questions. She’s a psychologist,” I include some truth with my lie.
“Yes, Bob, I know. I had my secretary do a Google search. He says the woman is heavily into sexual deviancy. Glad she’s not calling regarding a client.”
Sue laughs. It is curious that the possibility of Denise Evans having a relationship with a client is of concern. Yet with regard to me, Sue seems flippant. In a brief fantasy, I imagine her holding a nude photograph on her end of the line. ‘Remove your clothes,’ comes the command. And then she laughingly describes the naked flesh and she pauses to listen to me masturbate for her.
The conversation turns social for a few moments and ends with Sue’s lifelong barb.
“So, you seeing anybody or are you still just looking at dirty pictures?” she laughingly inquires.
Sue’s thick hide and outgoing personality, emanating from those early day’s brought up by her father, have served her well in both life and her profession. What for me are traumatic memories, which Miss Denise hints as the germination of the so termed ‘aversive conditioned inhibition of the ejaculatory reflex’, is for her childhood antics... part of the fun of adolescent sexual exploration.
The call ends and I become apprehensive. Miss Denise has taken the time to locate my stepsister. And though we never talk details, I am certain that all those licentious escapades remain most vivid in Sue’s memory despite the many, many years. Knowing Sue, there will be no reservation in relating each and every exhibition.
After all, she was in control. It was I humiliating myself and romping about the house naked... stroking myself to orgasm for her amusement.
I cannot concentrate at work on Wednesday. Thursday crawls until I slip out the door to visit the nurses. Stripping down for the assertive duo is disconcertingly acceptable to me, and there is an odd pride in displaying Mae Lee’s latest set of welts. Something within is changing.
After depilation and rinsing, I summon the temerity to once again make inquiries of Nurse Emma.
“Do you ever see those who... who sat in your chair?”
Nurse Emma playfully pats my testicles.
“An interesting euphemism for those I altered. Oh yes, many are patients. You probably have guessed that most of those in the program were Americans. Those caught in the web, as Dr. Evans describes it. And castrated males have different needs, physically and psychologically. So when the program ended, we set up a support group here in New York.
“Quite lucrative. It never occurred to me in Bangkok that I was assuring a lifelong supply of patients.”
Nurse Emma firmly grips my erection and bends it about performing some type of inspection. I grunt with discomfort.
“Some require modest doses of testosterone to maintain a male appearance. Others have conceded to the change and prefer the look and feel of women’s attire. As such, attaining a sex life brings its own challenges.