“Sit back, Mr. Warren. Just a little more tidy work and I think you’ll be ready to show off.”
I am compliant of course, my thoughts running wild, fearfully imagining my return to the accounting ‘cave’ on Monday. So as I sit back and Molly begins working my eyebrows it does not occur to me to protest. The small and limited strips of hair are also trimmed, plucked then dyed as well.
“This will wash out,” my words coming across more as a plea than a question.
“Your counselor gave instructions for permanent dye. It will grow out in time, but you’ll look rather silly if you don’t continuously color the undergrowth. I have you down for a follow up appointment in two weeks.”
I am sickened, but my thoughts are diverted as Molly finishes plying her craft at my eyebrows and playfully but brazenly tweaks my left nipple.
“You look cute. And I think your counselor wants you to look cute. You will please her.”
Spoken with the assumption that pleasing my counselor is my only goal, Molly steps away and tosses me my undershirt.
“Two weeks. And the advantage of permanent coloring is that for the most part you can shampoo normally. I’ll give you a bottle of mild formula on the way out. The bill has been taken care of.”
***
My counselor greets me with all the expected superlatives.
“My, my how pretty you look, Mr. Warren!”
I ente
r her inner sanctum, already disgruntled by the cute and knowing smile of her secretary receptionist, endured as I waited to be summoned.
I wonder if she knows I am ‘counseled’ while completely nude.
The short walk from the salon was tough for me, strolling rapidly through midtown at rush hour, not knowing how to counter the riveting questioning stares... man with girlish hair?.. or girl wearing men’s attire? I just gazed straight ahead and tried to ignore.
But there was a reaction... down there. And I do not understand it. I felt twinges. The attention brought some form of ‘pre arousal’ for want of a better term. I do believe that had I been intact I would have stiffened. But then if I had been intact would all the stares... some rather adoring... have given rise to the twinge?
I am confused by my own reaction.... physical and emotional. My mind is in a dither. And oddly I am glad to finally be in the seclusion of my counselor’s office.
By rote I begin to remove my clothing very much aware of how the counselor insists that I present myself to her.
“Very alluring. Very effeminate. And I think you like it!” my counselor begins with the psychological barrage.
Before I step to lie on her couch, she grasps my right hand, just as Nurse Sueann is wont to do.
“Come let’s look at you.”
She guides me to a closet door and opens it. On the back is a full length mirror, apparently used between appointments and at the end of the day to assure her presentment. She pushes me to her front and stands behind. My eyes widen in shock... and I must confess rather pleasant shock. My denuded, hairless form is indeed alluring, disgustingly alluring unless one is a pedophile. At age 24, I have the appearance of a prepubescent boy... with testicles excised more likely a prepubescent girl. But for some reason I take joy... and she knows!
“You look cute as a blond.”
I do indeed... and I am both ashamed and yet oddly stimulated.
“How do you feel?”
And this is when I begin to understand the need for counseling. I know how I feel, but cannot express it... perhaps dare not express it.
What is happening to me!
My right hand goes to my pubes. The twinge has returned and in the privacy of my counselor’s office, everything most confidential, I cannot ignore it. I caress myself... unable to do so while walking the streets of New York. And then for the first time my left hand goes to my nipples. I caress there as well. Such are crinkled...like the girl in the park! Oh, the irony!
My counselor smiles... projecting that ‘I know something you don’t know’ look. She seems satiated, in guy’s parlance as if she just scored a major league run to win a game.
“You’re discovering yourself anew, Mr. Warren. Perhaps it would be better if we used another moniker for you if you’re going to be a naughty girl.”