Or abnormal.
Truth is, I’m scared of admitting my feelings concerning everything that happened over the weekend. What if she thinks there’s something wrong with me? In our fucked-up society, men get away with it, but women are always judged for the tiniest perversion, even by other women.
Lucy is generally open-minded, but I’m not sure to what extent when it comes to that small part of sexual fuckery.
And it is a small part. I saw the promise for more in his eyes when he dropped me off that night, and I’m not sure whether I’m excited or terrified.
Maybe both.
Lucy lifts her shoulder. “If you say so.”
“I watched a weird indie movie, though.”
“Oh! What type?”
“Eh, there was a woman who went on a sexual discovery mission.”
She giggles. “Good for her. Maybe you should tag along.”
“Me?”
She taps my arm. “I love you, Nao, but you’re too uptight when it comes to sex.”
“It’s called being cautious.”
“Too cautious maybe.”
“Says the girl who only has sex with the lights off.”
“That’s not a prude thing. I just…don’t want to look at their faces.”
“Yeah, yeah, because you fantasize about Pres
cott fucking you, not whoever is there.”
She slams her hands over my mouth and searches around us, probably to see if anyone heard. “Shut up. How the hell do you know that?”
I remove her hands, laughing. “Because I’m your best friend, dummy. I know you.”
“I know you, too, and I can tell something has changed.” She narrows her eyes on me. “What is it?”
“The weird movie. It’s stuck with me and I can’t chase it away.”
“Do you have to? If you enjoyed something, it’s allowed to stick with you.”
“I didn’t enjoy it.” My voice is too defensive. “It stuck with me because of the graphic details.”
“Nao, hon, you watch brutal retellings of serial killers’ crimes and you don’t bat an eye, but graphic sex is a trigger?”
Not when it concerns other people, but it might be when I’m the one on the receiving end.
I swiftly divert the conversation to Reina and the cheer squad, and Lucy gladly gets absorbed in the subject as we get to class. For the rest of the day, I avoid the Political Science Department—where the bastard Sebastian studies.
Thankfully, our department, Sociology and Psychological Science, is far enough away that he and I could only run into each other in the cafeteria. So I suggest that Lucy and I have our lunch near a fountain behind the building, where I usually go to escape the witch hunt of the calorie police—aka Brianna and her fat-shaming squad.
But despite my tactical escape, I can’t bail out of cheer practice.
Just when I’m contemplating skipping today, Reina catches me and nearly confiscates my damn headphones again.