“It’s definitely not nothing.”
“Then act like it. Talk about it. Don’t leave me wondering if I’ve lost my mind or if I should check myself into a mental institute.”
His jaw hardens and I think he’ll say that’s exactly what I should do, but the lines around his eyes ease. “You don’t need a shrink just because you’re different.”
“Then what else do I need in this madness?”
“Someone who understands your needs and fulfills them.”
“But…what we’re doing is fucked up.”
“The best things are.”
“Don’t you have second thoughts about it? Any form of hesitation?”
“I’m assertive enough to accept that I’m an anomaly to what society expects from us, and I’m fine with that. I’d rather be abnormal than fit into a mold that’s not designed for me.”
“Even if it means raping someone?”
“Not someone. You.”
“It could be someone else tomorrow.”
He shakes his head. “We’re not that common, Tsundere. I wouldn’t be able to find someone whose crazy matches mine.”
“So you would leave if you were to stumble upon such a person?”
“Never.”
My breath hitches and an involuntary hiccup leaves me. “How can you be so sure?”
“It’s who I am. I don’t lie to myself, so when I say I only want you. I mean it.”
“So you’re stuck with me?”
“No. You’re stuck with me, baby.”
A slow sigh mixed with a whimper heaves out of me. “But it’s…abnormal. I recognize sexual deviant behavior. It’s what makes serial killers who they are, and that’s sick and twisted and…”
“Sick and twisted are only labels they try to contain us with. We’re not serial killers just because we enjoy consensual non-consensual sexual activities. We’re grown adults who recognize our fantasies, and unlike the cowards who only dream about it, we actually make it happen.”
“But what if it’s more than that? What if this is only the beginning of divergent behavior?”
“Why is that a problem?”
“You can hurt people.”
“I’m not interested in hurting people. I’m only interested in hurting you.”
My heart hammers and everything inside me seems to melt under the impact. God. There’s nothing I want to do other than let him hurt me all over again.
“Maybe you already have.”
He frowns. “You…didn’t use the word, so I thought you could still take it.”
“I don’t mean that.” I clear my throat. “You fucked me without a condom.”
“So?”