When he finally comes inside me, I’m so deliciously spent and sore.
As I lie limp in his arms, a satisfied moan leaves my lips, and before I sleep, I murmur, “I want to go home.”
He strokes my hair away from my face, his voice quiet as he repeats, “You want to go home?”
“I’m sick and tired of running away.” A shiver runs through me. “It’s time I finally stand up in front of the monster of my past.”
23
Aurora
Deciding to go home and actually doing it are two entirely different things. All I want to do is dig a hole and hide in it.
However, the thought of running away like in the past cripples me. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t start anew, pretend I have a rebirth and go on with my life.
The memories of lonely nights, trembling under the blankets, cause me to shudder.
Besides, I can’t give up the life and the balance I’ve found. It’s not just about Layla and H&H. It’s also about Aiden, Levi, Astrid, and Elsa. It’s about Moses, Margot, Tom, and even Harris. It’s about the sense of family I’ve refound. And at the top of that chain, there’s Jonathan.
The man who held my hand through it all and didn’t judge me, even when he thought I’d lost my mind. If anything, he promised to protect me — including from myself.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve only had myself to rely on. Protection could’ve only been provided by me. Having Jonathan there brings a certain peace I’ve never experienced before.
But it’s not just about the sense of protection he brings. No. It’s also about how he doesn’t allow me to get lost in the maze in my head. It’s almost as if he knows how dark it gets and pulls me out every time.
I’m not sure what it is about him that allows him to read me so well. I doubt it’s because of the age difference, which, ironically, I don’t think about anymore, and when I do, it’s more with awe than anything else.
Not only does Jonathan know me, but he also recognises my needs before I come to terms with them myself. He’s taught me that recognising one’s own strength and weaknesses is what makes you strive higher.
With him, I feel both vulnerable and powerful. I can take on the world, but at the same time, I’m scared he’ll pull the carpet from underneath my feet one day.
Because right now? I seriously cannot imagine my life without him. The fact that he was once my sister’s husband barely gives me pause anymore.
I’m so sorry, Alicia. I’m the worst sister to ever exist.
Our first stop as soon as we arrive in England is Birmingham.
“I could’ve come to check on Layla on my own,” I tell Jonathan as the butler welcomes us inside Ethan’s Birmingham mansion — or palace. It’s a lot bigger than the one in London, and Moses had to drive a long time before we were able reach the entrance with its majestic lion statues and high towers.
“You think I’d let you come to Ethan’s house alone?” The question is clearly rhetorical since Jonathan continues in that haughty tone of his, “Nonsense.”
“Don’t be a jerk to him, okay?” I whisper in case someone is around. “We’re in his house, after all.”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether or not he looks in your direction.”
I chuckle. “You can’t be serious.”
He fixes me with one of his uptight glares. “I’m dead serious, and if you want me to prove it in front of him, I will.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is. After all, you used to share women in the past.” And no, I’m still not over that.
“The key phrase in your sentence is ‘in the past’. I wouldn’t even share a table with him willingly.”
“So I’ve been wondering… If you guys weren’t fighting, would you still be sharing women?”