Ruth simply stared at me, her hands gripping the lectern so hard I could see her white knuckles even from the back of the room. I could only imagine what was going through her mind
“No worries whatsoever,” I assured the professor before looking back at Ruth. “I was just curious to know, Ms. Miracle, what you might change about your experience with me. Given the chance.”
Eighteen
Ruth
“Would I would change about my experience with you?” I repeated, feeling dazed and sharply aware of just how many pairs of eyes there were on me. My stomach flip-flopped at what I’d said — and certainly at Maxim just showing up here at my school. “At Volkov Telecom. The internship, I mean.”
It was hard to puzzle out the expression on his face at this distance, but he smiled for the crowd. The man was a telecommunications mogul, after all. He knew how to appear calm and collected.
Meanwhile, I was everything but.
“That’s what I asked, Ms. Miracle,” he said, and people laughed lightly at my expense.
No. This was not happening. Maxim wasn’t going to make a fool out of me. Not here.
“There are a few things I would change, yes,” I said sharp enough so that the room fell immediately silent. I ignored my professor, who was staring daggers at me and probably making plans to mark down my presentation on the grounds of professionalism.
Oh, she’d have a lot more material to mark me down on than that. This experience had been the opposite of professional. I felt like I’d been torn apart and not quite put back together again properly.
“Care to share?” Maxim asked, that smile still carefully in place.
“Certainly,” I said, trying to ignore the way my heart was pounding out of my chest. “While it was both rewarding and fulfilling to take on the challenge of being your intern, I would have liked some more specific direction from you on some of my tasks.” My fingers were hurting, and I realized they were the only things keeping me upright. I was all but clinging to the lectern.
“I disagree with that approach,” he said coolly. “By letting you make your own decisions — and assumptions — I witnessed you grow and thrive in the position. Nobody tells a CEO what to do. We must draw upon our experience and the expertise of those around us to make the best choices for the company.”
“You asked what I would change,” I said with a shrug I hoped came off as nonchalant instead of what it really was — a shudder. “And I told you.”
“Is that all?” he asked. “If so, it seems like your internship was, on the whole, successful. Beneficial to you, even.”
In my peripheral vision, I could see my professor trying to get my attention so she could get this back under control. I ignored her.
“No,” I said. “That is, I wasn’t finished. Talking about what I would’ve changed, I mean. I would like to see a change in company culture.”
“That is an interesting proposition and an excellent opportunity to segue into a small-group discussion on company culture,” my professor said, cutting in and trying to nudge me away from the lectern. I couldn’t move. If I did, everyone would see how weak I was. How badly Maxim was tearing me apart. I stood my ground.
“I would prefer to hear what Ruth Miracle has to say about it, professor,” Maxim said politely enough, but I could hear the steel in his voice. So, apparently, could she — she plopped back down in her seat.
“In some cases, the company culture worked,” I said. “Individuals were professional — friendly, even. But other times relationships I observed at Volkov Telecom seemed strained or cold. It was sometimes difficult to figure out what kind of working relationship I was going to have with my colleagues on a given day. If I had to chalk it up to something, I would probably say it was due to stress. The demands of the job are real, and necessary. But a little camaraderie would go a long way in making things better there.” I dared a glance up at Maxim. “Like a chef’s special in the cafeteria for morale. Or better communications among positions and departments so no one is left guessing at things.”
“Thank you for those insights,” Maxim said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have some things I’d like to say. Professor?”
“Oh, Mr. Volkov, we would just be honored, class — wouldn’t we?” My professor started an awkward round of applause that the majority of the students picked up. Maxim smiled and made his way down to the front of the room. There was no way I wanted to be near him, so I sidled back to stand along the stairs leading out of the lecture hall.
“I’ve learned a lot during my rise in telecommunications,” Maxim began, looking around the lecture hall. I bet he made eye contact with every person sitting in there. “But the biggest and most important thing I’ve learned is that it isn’t everything.” At that, Maxim looked directly at me — and didn’t look away again. “It’s easy to get caught up in the stress, like Ruth so sharply realized. And to lose sight of what is most important. I know that I am in a room full of individuals who want to succeed, and that’s a good thing. But don’t do so at the expense of others. Remember to retain your humanity. And to make room for love in your heart. Because there are things more essential than a paycheck. Than a company. Than a calling, even. Don’t sacrifice your relationships for a job.”
The roaring in my ear reached a crescendo and I had to get out of there or explode. I was running before I was even aware my feet were pounding up the stairs, bursting out of the hall and out into the lobby. The fresh blast of autumn air as I reached the front doors wasn’t enough to cool my face from the heat that had built there. All it did was take my breath away.
“Ruth. Ruth Miracle, wait!”
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t sit there and fall apart all over again in front of my classmates and peers. I couldn’t stick around and try to figure out what was happening all over again. If Maxim wanted me to act like a CEO, then here was my executive decision — I was getting the hell out of here instead of putting on some kind of performance for everyone.
I couldn’t get away fast enough, and Maxim seized my hand in the green expanse connecting the various academic buildings. There were only a few students here and there, but it still felt too exposed. I felt like a raw nerve ending, or maybe even a downed power line, helplessly giving off sparks.
“Talk to me,” Maxim commanded, his blue eyes blazing. “Why haven’t you answered my calls? Why haven’t you been back to work?”
“Check the syllabus, idiot!” I snapped back. “The internship already ended. I put in my time.”