“Done,” she told Greta on the phone, “IT hates those meetings, too and HR said we could try out an email formal and possibly do a Google Hangout for Q&A later if needed. We’re calling a pilot efficiency project.”
“You rule. I’m buying you lunch.”
“I know what they pay you. I’m buying lunch.”
“Okay, sounds good,” Greta said.
Bella drank a margarita at lunch and Greta had two, and they split a platter of quesadillas. She relaxed a little, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her friend the truth—it had been so long that she’d kept this secret that it frightened her to tell it to anyone. Even someone she was close to, someone who’d known her way back when and could understand her dilemma. She felt horrible for keeping it from Greta, from everyone really. The margarita took the edge off the misery but not much else.
It was so hard to play this waiting game. What was going through Harvey’s mind? She needed to know. So she texted him and got back no response.
Damn it!
After work, she messaged the nanny that she’d be late, to go ahead and give the kids their dinner and baths. Bella drove the Corvette to Harvey’s place and steeled herself for a confrontation. She’d rehearsed apologetic th
ings to say, defenses for her choice, even a few cutting remarks if necessary. So she was as ready as possible, and she could not stand the suspense any longer. If he was trying to take away her kids, she needed to know so she could prepare for a fight.
Her stomach fluttered.
She rode up on the elevator, and when the door slid open, she saw Harvey sitting on his couch, head in his hands in the dark. One light from over the sink gave the only dim illumination. She felt her heart twist at the sight, at how much he must be hurting.
“Harvey,” she said, her voice high and sad. He turned, looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head. He hadn’t shaved, hadn’t changed since she saw him. He was messy, his sandy hair rumpled, stubble riding along his square jaw. She wanted to go to him, to hold him, to tell him how sorry she was and that she’d do anything in the world if he’d try to forgive her. Anything, but give up her children. That thought was what held her back, hovering in the doorway instead of running to him. All of her instincts told her to go to him, but that one fear restrained her.
He saved her the trouble. He stood, smoothing his wrinkled shirt pointlessly, and went to her, “Why?” he said, his voice broken.
“I was afraid you’d take them away. I heard you and your mom talking about how you could get custody if I was pregnant. I was scared, and I ran. I’m sorry.”
“Not because you thought I’d be a terrible father?”
“Never,” she said, reaching out and touching his face, feeling the scrape of his stubble against her palm, blinking back tears.
“I knew this was going to be a tense situation, and that we couldn’t do this without an argument brewing,” Bella said.
“What did you expect? I’ve been hurt deeply. By leaving, you derailed us.”
“And you feel like forgiving me is letting me off the hook?”
“I never said that.”
“I don’t know how things got this way. It’s like everything escalated out of control. One minute, I was your housekeeper, the next minute, I was pretending to be your fake girlfriend…the next minute…”
“We fell in love. All that pretending and all those kisses were turning into something real and genuine. I knew it wasn’t fake because I was feeling something very real. The intensity of feelings between us took both of us by surprise.”
“I was falling head over heels in a whirlwind of romance. You were wining and dining me, giving me expensive gifts, taking me into a world I’d never had known.”
“Yes, I was trying to stage a scene for our conspiracy, but I it turned into something more. I wanted to impress you, to sweep you off your feet like some Prince Charming in a fairytale.”
“You did. I was completely swept away.”
“For a while, everything was perfect. And I keep trying to figure out where it all went wrong.”
“We can’t dwell on the past. What’s happened has happened.”
“Did you love me?” he asked.
“Yes, very much so. I was deeply in love with you. I still am. I never stopped loving you, not even for a minute.”
“And that love wasn’t enough for you to tell me the truth?”