Badly embarrassed by that observation, Raven concentrated on yanking out the gangplank to return the rounds to the locker. “It’s a good thing I didn’t smile all that often then. That much affection would have been lethal. Do you want to play again?” When he looked up and found Eden regarding him with a shocked stare, he realized he had just said the stupidest thing imaginable. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Eden bit her lip to keep from bursting into tears. “Of course you didn’t. I’m sure it just slipped out. Thank you for teaching me the game. I’d like to play it again another time, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather just get ready for bed now.”
“I didn’t mean it, Eden, truly I didn’t. Won’t you please forgive me?”
While Raven appeared to be as horrified by his careless remark as she was, Eden could not help but wonder if it had not been exactly what was on his mind. Tears welled up in her eyes as she decided it was. “I know people are bound to say unkind things like that behind my back, but it really hurts coming from you.”
That only moments before Eden had been laughing with him made Raven feel like an inept fool. He had been well aware of the fact he lacked Alex’s easy charm, but he had not meant to prove that point with such needless cruelty “I don’t like women fawning over me. I hate it, in fact. That’s all I meant. I wasn’t referring to you and Alex. I was talking about myself.” When Eden looked away, too upset to respond, Raven knew his situation was hopeless. He closed the walnut box, and returned it to his desk. He knew Eden had enjoyed the game, but he doubted she would ever want to play it again. Unable to think of any way to make things up to her, he left the cabin and hoped he would not have to circle the deck until dawn before he felt like returning.
Attempting to analyze this latest misunderstanding, Eden remained seated at the table for a long while. Raven was such an intense young man, but his actions were totally unpredictable. He had abundant pride but little regard for hers, it seemed. Each time she thought they were becoming close, he would insult her with some vile question or opinion that drove them miles apart. Was he so terrified of her that he had to constantly keep shoving her away? Perhaps terrified is the wrong word, she thought dejectedly. Maybe he simply dislikes me.
As Raven paced the deck, his brow was furrowed with the deep concentration of a palace guard. The sea was calm, and the spray that shot up against the bow a light mist. The stars were bright but he was too depressed to notice anything other than the damp chill of night air and jammed his hands into his pockets.
He simply could not believe he had made such a tactless remark to Eden. On his best days, he possessed only a slight trace of charm, but he had never gone out of his way to impress anyone so that lack had never mattered. Now that failing took on the proportions of a fatal flaw.
“Good Lord,” he muttered under his breath, quickly vowing never to use the word fatal in front of Eden for fear of making another unfortunate reference to death that she would surely take personally.
He was tempted to sleep in Alex’s cabin that night, but after he had forbidden Eden to use it, he could scarcely seek refuge there himself. No, he would have to return to the cabin they shared and find a way to pass a comfortable night. No coward, he strode aft with a resolute step, but when he reached his cabin, he had never been less sure of himself.
Eden had been as lost in thought as Raven, but she had succeeded in reaching an important conclusion even if he had not. Clad in her nightgown, she was stretched out across the bunk. As Raven came through the door, her golden glance swept over him with the languid ease of a lover’s caress before coming to rest at his mouth. As always, that his lips were far more inviting than his words ever were was disconcerting.
“The only time there’s harmony between us is when we make love,” she informed him boldly. “I don’t want you in this bed if you’re going to pretend you’re alone again.”
Raven slammed the door shut and locked it. “Is that a challenge of some sort?” It had certainly sounded like one to him and that had been the last thing he had expected. That was their main problem, he realized—not only was Eden’s behavior impossible to successfully predict, but the way she interpreted his actions made no sense either.
“No, I believe you to be a man of great courage. I’m not daring you to prove it. I’m saying that if all we have is passion, then we ought not to waste it or we’ll have nothing.”
Raven crossed to the bunk and stood staring down at her, his expression filled with awe. “I swear that’s the most brilliant piece of logic I’ve ever heard. Do you ever lose an argument?”
“Obviously those I have with you.”
Raven did not turn away as he began to peel off his clothes. He had never met a woman who excited him more. In fact, none had even come close. “No, you’ve never lost anything to me.”
Eden knew precisely what she was doing: she was attempting to create a bond between Raven and herself in the only way she knew how. She would have only a few months before her pregnancy became obvious, and not knowing if he would want her then, she had chosen not to waste any time now. If her methods were crude, he seemed not to notice, or perhaps he simply did not care. She rose from the bed, took his coat and hung it over the back of his chair, then returned to the bunk and slipped under the covers.
While he appreciated that wifely gesture, rather than fling his clothing aside as he had done in the past, Raven took the time to undress with care. If Eden wanted him he saw no reason to keep her waiting, but he did not want to react with ungentlemanly haste either. He knew this had to be a trick of some kind, but when she was right about the pleasure they shared, why should he deny it while he pondered her true goal? When he was ready to join her, she had already removed her nightgown and laid it aside.
Making himself comfortable in the narrow bunk, Raven moved close, brushed Eden’s sun-streaked curls away from her temples, then kissed her cheeks lightly. Eden responded by entwining her legs in his and he abandoned his leisurely approach in favor of a far more aggressive one. There was no shyness in her response, only a joyous acceptance that made his passions soar.
“I think if a couple shares only one thing, it ought to be this,” he whispered as he hugged her close. Not waiting for a response, he kissed her deeply, drinking in her taste and flower-scented fragrance until the velvet smoothness of her supple body stole his breath away and he was aware of nothing but the rapture they had always shared.
It was not until Raven lay sleeping, still cradled in her arms, that Eden began to recall the nights she had spent with Alex. Raven said little or nothing when they made love, while Alex had always given her as many adoring compliments as kisses. Unlike Raven, who always fell into a passion-drugged sleep, Alex had liked to talk after they had made love. She treasured each of those sweet conversations now, for they had also served to strengthen their marriage, just as surely as making love had.
Eden closed her eyes, expecting the memory of Alex’s smile to come to mind instantly, but it did not. Instead, it was Raven’s taunting grin that flashed before her eyes. She gasped sharply, and while Raven stirred, he did not awaken. In a moment, she could again relax, but Alex’s image still refused to lead her into the world of dreams. The memory of his love would never fade from her heart, but her imagination played nothing but cruel tricks that night and kept his face veiled in shadows.
“No,” she whispered softly, the anguish in her voice muffled by Raven’s thick curls. She knew it was much too soon to let Alex go, but her usually vivid imagination refused to agree.
Chapter Thirteen
September 1863
Eden did not object to passing their evenings playing Captain’s Mistress when Raven enjoyed the game so much. She doubted she would ever become as proficient as he, but their competition was lively enough to be entertaining. No matter how many times Raven beat her, she would simply smile and insist his run of luck could not possibly last much longer. She doubted his advantage would wane anytime soon, however.
“Do you like to play chess?” she asked one night as he put away the game. As usual he had won five games and she only two, but she wasn’t discouraged by it. It pleased her to think that not only did Raven love the game, but Alex had as well.
Raven returned to the table and replenished their brandy as he replied. “Yes, I do. I beat Alex so often he quit playing with me when I was fourteen. I’ve never found anyone among my crew who could play, so I don’t carry a set on board. Is chess one of your favorites?”
“No,” Eden admitted with an embarrassed smile. “My father tried to teach me, but I never could concentrate deeply enough to give him much of a game. Maybe you two will be able to have a match someday. I think you’ll like him. Like you, he’s very bright.”