She shrugged. “I was. I told myself that if you shared my past, people may pull their funding for our orphanage. Who wants to support a woman whose father gambled away every penny to his name? Who is the victim of extortion?”
He cupped her cheek. “Those are not your actions. Trust me. I understand.”
She looked up at him, her eyes sad. It made his gut tighten and his other hand clasped her waist. “You don’t.”
That surprised him. “Then tell me.”
She shook her head, her velvet cheek rubbing against his rougher palm. “That’s not what I came here to say.”
“What did you come to say then?” He settled her body closer and, to his amazement, she didn’t resist. Her curves, so soft and tempting fit against him in a way that made him ache.
She held his arms, her fingers lightly playing over his muscles. His head dropped closer to hers. She was so still, completely different from yesterday, he didn’t want to spook her in any way.
She looked up at him, her sweet breath fanning over his cheeks. “Penny told me about your conversation. About how you said that you wished to…”
“Marry you?” He tried to calm tumbling his thoughts. Normally he excelled at this but not with her. He rushed ahead, so glad to have her in his arms to have this moment. “I do. I will. Just say the word. I can protect you from all of this.”
But her eyes only widened and then lines of pain formed around her mouth. “I can’t marry you. I can’t even see you again.”
His heart skipped a beat, but he stayed still. Pain lanced through him but he forced himself to slow down. Breathe deeply. The most important thing that mattered was she was here in his arms where she was safe. “Explain it to me.” He had to get to the bottom of why she rejected him.
Then he slid his hand onto the small of her back, supporting her upper body with his arm.
She relaxed further into him. “My father, he left me, all alone.” Her voice caught on the last word. Damn, he wished he could take that hurt away for her.
“He should have never done that. You were only a girl. You needed him.” His nose brushed the tip of hers. He did all he could do now, give her comfort. And assurances. “I would never leave you like that.”
Her eyes widened even as her hands tightened their grip on his arms. “That’s not what this is about.”
“What’s it about then?” He slid a hand into her hair and her head tilted back.
“I can take care of myself,” she whispered.
Her actions belied those words. She was like clay in his hands, but he didn’t say so. He’d blustered yesterday. That wasn’t the way. Today, he’d be the calm support Clarissa needed. “You’ve done a good job.”
She shook her head again. “Penny’s done a good job. I’m exactly what my father said I was.”
That made a sick lump form in his throat. He knew all about the hurt of a father’s words. “What did the bastard say?”
He felt her jump in his arms. “Why do you say it like that?”
“I told you. I know about terrible fathers.” He tensed but forced his muscles to relax. “What he said is not a reflection on you.”
She shook her head. “Penny said the same…”
He couldn’t help himself then. He could feel her hurt. The same hurt she’d soothed so many years ago in him. Tilting his chin, he placed the lightest kiss on her lips. She gasped, her fingers clutching him even as her lips melted into his. Gently, he lifted his head to gaze down at her.
“Clarissa,” he whispered. “Please tell me what he said to you. What troubles you so much. I promise to never repeat it, not even to you if that’s what you wish, but you need to lighten your heart. Let me do that for you.”
Dear Lord, Clarissa wanted to tell him. The one thing she’d never said to a single soul. But once she confessed, she couldn’t take the words back. They’d be out in the world.
She made a halfhearted attempt to pull away, but he held firm. She was glad. She hadn’t realized how heavy her burden had been until he’d held part of her weight. “Then you’ll know everything.”
He kissed her again. Another gentle sweep of his mouth against hers. Desire and pleasure warred with the battle to hold onto her will. When her arms snaked about his neck, she knew she was losing.
It was just that he felt so good.
Strong, lean, and hard, he was like an anchor in this moment. She felt a bit of moisture on her eyelashes and realized that her eyes had misted over.