She dragged in more air, her eyes watering as her mind waged war on her body. One saying yes. The other saying no.
‘Please, Sophia, just give me five minutes?’ he pleaded, his brow raised, eyes emphatic. ‘That’s all I need.’
She couldn’t fight him. She didn’t have the strength for it. She’d played out so many scenarios in her head and none of them could match the reality, the force of her own reaction to him, her need for him to hold her and tell her all would be okay in spite of how much he had hurt her.
‘Five minutes, Jack.’
She turned away and headed to the kitchen, leaving her case in the inner hall.
She heard him close the door, his footsteps closing in behind her. He was really here. A week apart and he was now here, in her home. She remembered the last time they had been here, her eyes flitting to the sofa that had been extended out that night. The night they’d... She pressed her shaky fingers to her lips, swallowing back the sob that threatened.
‘Look at me, Sophia...please.’
He sounded so broken, so strained, his vulnerability impossible for her to ignore as she did as he asked.
‘I’ve missed you so much.’ It rushed out on his breath, his eyes glistening with sincerity. ‘I am so sorry for everything I did, everything I said. The truth is you were right. I was a hypocrite; I was living in the past, scared of it, scared of everything I couldn’t control.’
He stepped closer, so close she could smell his scent, his painfully familiar cologne, and it made her body warm, her throat close over with another wave of tears, of longing, of what she daren’t hope for but did anyway.
‘It wasn’t about my trust in you; it was about my fear of losing Lily, of losing—’
‘I would have protected Lily with my life,’ she forced out, hating that he could doubt it. ‘I never would have put her in danger.’
‘I know that, and that’s what I’m saying. I trust you to keep her safe, but that day, that morning, I was so scared, not just about losing her, but you too. If anything had happened to either of you, I don’t know how I’d cope.’
Words failed her. She could only stare at him as he continued. ‘Don’t you see, Sophia, you are as much a part of me as Lily is? Don’t you see that’s why I felt guilty about Elena? Knowing that you could become a part of me whereas she...she was Lily’s mother, she was my best friend, but she was never the woman I wanted to marry, to make a life with, to make a home with.’
His words teased at her heart, every one of them pushing out the chill and replacing it with the warming beam of hope.
‘I do love you, Sophia, more than I ever thought possible. I want to be with you. I want to make a life with you, here in London, or anywhere you want to go, just so long as you are with me. With us.’
He reached out to gently raise her chin, to hold her eye. ‘Please believe me.’
‘I do believe you love me,’ she whispered. ‘But I need you to trust me too.’
‘I do...and I’ll prove it to you. I can be better. I try to control everything that happens to Lily, who she’s exposed to, what she does... Everything. But I’m trying to change. I’ve promised her she can go to school. I’ve promised her we’re going to have a home. I’ve promised that I’m going to try and bring you home too.’
She smiled at that. It was small, watery, but it was there.
‘You’ve changed so much since I met you.’ He curved his hand around the back of her neck, his touch lighting up the skin beneath and feeding her with his warmth. ‘You’ve faced up to the past, your fears, you’ve returned to your family—’
She frowned. ‘How did you know?’
‘Andrew.’
She gave a gentle scoff. ‘Figures.’
‘Don’t be mad with him. I think he knew a desperate, lovesick man when he saw me.’
She laughed softly, her eyes searching his. ‘Lovesick?’
‘Heartbroken. I’m nothing without you, Sophia.’
Seeing the tears in his eyes tore her apart inside but she was struggling for words, struggling to be rational when all she wanted to do was cave in to the emotions within and kiss him, hug him to her and never let him go. But how could she trust him to trust her?
‘You changed with my help,’ he said into her pained silence. ‘Please credit me with the same ability, please help to make me a better man too.’
He was right, so right. If she could change so much, why couldn’t he? She talked about his lack of trust in her, but she needed to put her faith in him too. To believe he could change. That together they could be so much better.