‘No, it isn’t,’ she agreed. ‘And that’s exactly why you should let her go it alone. She’s happy with what she can get.’
‘But I’m not.’
He said it so fiercely her eyes widened in surprise and Zara had to wonder, was this purely about him wanting to share his own wealth or was there more to it?
‘Look...’ He broke off and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, scanning their surroundings as though struggling for the right words. ‘It’s hard to explain.’
‘Try me.’
His eyes returned to her, hesitant and probing.
‘You can trust me,’ she said, guessing at what he needed to hear.
‘I know that.’
His simple admission warmed her through, giving her the confidence to press. ‘So?’
‘It’s just hard to talk about the past. You never know when it’s going to be thrown back in your face again.’
She pondered his words, kind of understanding where he was coming from, but he needn’t have worried. ‘I’m not going to raise it again, unless you want to, but it may help me to at least understand, to help fight your corner.’
She smiled a little on the last, hoping to reassure, and he returned the gesture, his hand rising to cup her chin gently as he looked into her eyes, that same curiosity from the previous day shining through. ‘You’re right.’
And then he released her, his hand falling to his pocket, his eyes to the ground as he kicked aside a stone. ‘She was abandoned as a baby,’ he said bluntly. ‘Her mum literally dropped her on our doorstep and legged it.’
She gasped, she couldn’t help it, the image he painted so tragic, his expression suddenly so empty.
‘As you can imagine, my mother lost it, having my father’s betrayal thrust upon her in such a permanent way. She insisted Julia be sent away, spending her entire childhood in boarding schools and under the care of people employed by my parents.
‘She never had a real home.’ He looked back to her. ‘She never had it easy.’
Her words came back to hound her, and she shook her head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You don’t need to apologise,’ he said. ‘Just understand. It wasn’t until I became an adult myself that I learned of her existence. When I found out what had happened, I tracked her down. She was going off the rails by then and it took me years to bring her back from the brink, to make her realise she wasn’t alone any more.’
‘You’d never guess at any of it. She seems so grounded, so happy in spite of her recent break-up.’
‘Yes, she’s quite the character.’ His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘So you see, my efforts saved her then and they can do so again.’
Zara frowned up at him, admiration making her heart swell, even as she saw the error in his reasoning. ‘You love her, that’s effort enough.’
‘Is it? Surely if I’d looked out for her more she never would have married that jerk. I would have seen him for what he was.’ His hand was back in his hair, his stress and guilt ringing through his every movement. ‘That’s the reason for this mess, that’s the reason I have to make it up to her again. She went through hell with him and I should’ve been there to prevent it.’
‘You can’t be held responsible for her mistakes.’
‘Can’t I?’
She reached a hand out instinctively, resting it over his arm. ‘No, she’s lucky to have a brother who loves her. You could have followed in your parents’ footsteps but you didn’t.’
He looked to her touch upon his arm, and covered it with his own hand. ‘No, and I won’t let her down now either.’
She shook her head slightly. ‘Letting her do this by herself isn’t letting her down.’
‘No, but helping her will go some way to ease how I feel.’ He met her eye. ‘You have to understand that?’
She nodded. She did. And her heart swelled with just how much she got it. But her emotions were at war with one another. Her need to ease his suffering colliding with the woman’s need for independence. But ultimately, it couldn’t hurt to do as he asked, to at least talk to her. ‘I will speak to her, but I’m making no promises.’
His expression brightened, taking her own mood with it. ‘Great.’