‘But...’
I give another shake of my head. Because if Cain isn’t the enemy, then how can I protect myself? How can I protect myself from him and a future with him in it?
‘It would be so much easier if you didn’t fight me...if you just trusted me.’
I feel tears prick and curse my own weakness. ‘How can I trust you? I loved you, Cain, and you left. You didn’t stay and fight—you ran.’
‘It was all I was capable of doing back then. I couldn’t cope with my father’s decision... I couldn’t cope with...’
His eyes glisten and—oh, my God. He can’t be. Cain doesn’t cry. I’ve never seen him suffer the weakness of mere mortals and I feel a fundamental shift inside me—a shift I can’t prevent and that’s far too close to my heart.
Is he reliving that last argument? Is that why he can’t bring himself to finish his sentence? And do I really want him to? Do I really want him to dredge it all up?
‘I’m not the same man I was then,’ he says eventually. The glisten is all but blinked away, but his voice is still thick. ‘And I’m not going anywhere now. Just let me help you...please.’
I can’t speak. I can’t move. It’s taking all I have just to stop my own tears from falling, to stop my toes from lifting, from my lips meeting his.
‘Let me help the company my father created...the company my brother loved.’
Oh, Jesus.
It’s a low blow. He knows I can’t say no to that. I just can’t. It doesn’t matter what risk it poses to me, to my heart that has never healed, to my baby...our baby...the truth...
I can feel myself nodding—even though deep down I’m still tormented by the past, by what’s still left unsaid.
‘Good.’ He breathes out. ‘Now it’s your turn.’
‘My turn?’ I frown, confused.
‘For honesty?’ He reminds me of our pact.
Oh, God. Oh, no.
He releases his grip on my hand, my lower body, but he doesn’t release me. Instead his hands rise to my face, gently cupping my cheeks as his eyes burn into mine.
‘Can you deny you still feel this?’
‘Don’t, Cain. Don’t do this,’ I whisper. ‘You want a place in this company. You want to see faith in it restored. That’s fine. But don’t bring our connection into it.’
His lashes flutter. ‘You’re denying it, then?’
‘No. I won’t lie to you. I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted another soul. But that doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t mean I’m willing to go there again.’
I take his hands in mine and gently press them down and away.
My body pines even as I step back, but I lift my chin, ignoring it. ‘Where do we start?’
‘Alexa?’
At least he has my name right this time, and that helps rebuild my strength. I’ve given him my honesty and now it’s time to focus on what we should be.
‘Please, Cain, the business is what matters now. Let’s just concentrate on that.’
* * *
I want to curse. I want to grab her, pull her to me and kiss the rejection out of her.
She wants me. She admitted it.