‘I miss you.’
I don’t know whether I’m saying that to Rose, to Liam, or to both, but I do know I need to move on. To take control of my life again and start afresh. To look forward rather than back and hope that in some way I can take Cain with me, make him a part of it...
* * *
It’s eight in the evening and I know I shouldn’t be here. I know that chasing her down when she so obviously wants space is wrong. But after everything we’ve shared she owes me something. Anything.
I’ve had no call, no text, nothing. I’d say it was wounded pride, but I’d be lying. I know it’s my heart that’s breaking.
I press her buzzer and step back, gaze up at the ancient building to the sash windows that I know belong to her and the soft glow of a lamp or two that tells me she’s home. Not that she’s answering.
I press it again, looking for movement even though I know that unless she steps right up to the window I’ll see nothing. It’s not like I can yell up at her. She has no windows open and I’m likely to disturb all the other residents before she even hears.
But I want to. I want to yell until my lungs hurt—until I can’t feel my panic-ridden heart any more and she speaks to me, tells me what the hell is going on.
‘Lex—’
My outburst is cut off by the door release. I stare at it for a second, disbelieving, and then rush forward before it clicks shut.
I take the stairs two at a time and ignore the weird angst inside me because I have to face Liam again by coming back here. I have to accept their past together to be able to move on. And I will.
I’ll do anything to be given another chance at happiness and I need her to see that. There’s nothing we can’t get through together, I’m sure of it, and whatever made her run, it can’t be bigger than my love for her.
‘Lexi—’ Her name rushes out of me as I exit the final flight of stairs and see her standing in her doorway.
Her skin is pale, her blue eyes glittering in the overhead lights. I slow down, not wanting to spook her. She looks like a frightened bird, about to take flight, and as she cradles her belly I see her hands are shaking. I reach out as I near, wanting to offer comfort for whatever this is, and as I close my hands around hers, I squeeze them softly.
‘Can I come in?’
She looks up at me with a nod, wets her lips as if she’s going to speak, but drags in a breath instead. She pulls her hands away as she turns, and that’s when I feel it—the obvious difference on her finger...
‘You’ve taken off your ring.’
She pauses, nods. ‘It was time.’
Oh, God, is that why she ran? Was it guilt? Guilt that she’d slept with me when her heart...?
I can’t even finish the thought.
‘I’m sorry.’
She shakes her head. I follow her through into the kitchen area and watch as she pours water into the kettle and switches it on.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ she asks. ‘Tea, coffee, wine?’
Her voice is expressionless and the panic inside me swells.
‘I really am sorry, Lexi. I don’t want to cause you more pain... Hell, I don’t want to hurt you at—’
I stop. She’s looking at me as if she’s seen a ghost and I know I’ve called this so wrong.
‘There’s something I need to tell you,’ she says, and she takes a shaky breath that has a chill sweeping over me. ‘Something I should have told you a long time ago, but...but it was never the right moment.’
She trembles on the last words, her hands falling to her stomach in that gesture I’ve become so familiar with over the last few weeks.
Weeks? Christ. Has it really only been weeks?
I quickly count. Not even three full weeks since I came back. Since I acknowledged my love for her has never really waned. Since I accepted that she’s what I’ve been missing for the last seven years.