After dinner, once we’ve cleaned the pans and taken our wine into the library, I excuse myself to pop to the bedroom and check my phone. I want to check on Granny. There have been no calls or texts and, taking that as a good sign, I head back downstairs.
As I approach the study I can hear Ash talking, and my stride slows of its own accord.
‘After Jess I just didn’t want to go there—didn’t want to risk going through it again.’
‘Your mother never liked that girl... She saw right through her from day one. I only wish you’d had the same insight.’
‘Mum was always a good judge of character.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Clive had her as fooled as the rest of us. She was the one who suggested he be your godfather.’
‘Yeah, well...lucky for us we saw through his act.’
‘You saw through it, you mean.’
The room falls silent and I can hear the crackling of the fire. I can’t make my legs work. Who’s Jess? I know all about Clive, but Jess... He’s never told me about her.
‘She reminds me of Jess.’
My heart skips a beat at his father’s remark. What?
‘She’s nothing like her.’ Ash is so vehement as he says it.
‘No, no—not when you get to know her. But her appearance...the air she has about her.’
Ash blows out a breath so forceful I can make it out from this distance. ‘Yeah, well...she’s not.’
‘Lucky for you, hey?’ His father is all jovial now. ‘Seems you picked right this time. She’s lovely, Ash, truly lovely.’
‘I know.’
‘So why so serious, then? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders when you should be walking on air.’
‘It’s not that simple.’
‘Of course it is. Love can be that simple if you just let it in.’
‘Like I did with Jess?’ Ash says, and his cynicism, the realisation that he once loved this girl, whoever she was, strikes through the very heart of me.
I press back against the wall, my hand over my chest as I try to ease the chaos beneath. I almost want to walk the other way, to forget what I’ve heard. It’s made me realise how much I don’t know about him. How much I do want to know and understand. Is this the pain I glimpsed? Is his heart still broken over her?
‘She wasn’t worthy of your love, but...’
I close my ears off and cough as I head to join them, knowing that to listen to any more isn’t right. If I want answers, Ash can give them to me.
‘Ah, Coco—again your timing is impeccable.’ His father rises out of his chair before the fire; Ash does the same. ‘I’m about to call it a night.’
‘Don’t leave on my account.’ I feel like he’s leaving because of me, and considering he rarely has company, I don’t want that.
‘I’ve had a busy day chauffeuring and catering—amazing how it can take its toll.’ He grins at us both and looks like he’ll say more, but then he simply shrugs and whistles to the dogs, who immediately spring to attention and trot to his feet. ‘I’ll see you both in the morning.’
‘Night, Pop.’
‘Goodnight, Peter.’
‘You can call me Pop too, if you like.’
He gives me a wink and off he goes, leaving me blushing in his wake.