I was the worst daughter ever.
Well, one foot in front of the other. Right now, I was on the foot that was about to break some very bad news to Emma. “The thing is… your uncle Stephen… he…”
When I couldn’t quite get the words out, Emma prompted gently, “Go on, Sophie. Whatever it is, just tell me.”
“He raped your father.” It was the worst sentence I’d ever had to say. Despite the fact that Neil had told me to talk to Emma about all of this, I felt like I’d betrayed his confidence by using that word with someone else.
“Um.” She laughed, a sound of disbelief and confusion all in one. Like she thought she’d misheard me. Like she was hoping she’d misheard me. “I don’t understand.”
“Your dad and Stephen were…engaging in an activity. Neil asked him to stop, and he didn’t.” God, could I sound more stilted? This was probably the most uncomfortable conversation I’d ever had with anyone.
I noticed that Emma was trembling. It was only just a slight shake, the obvious result of holding back her rage. “And this is in Stephen’s book?”
“No. And that’s the problem.” Olivia stirred against my shoulder. “I haven’t read it, but from your father’s reaction, it seems like the details weren’t presented in the most honest light.”
Emma stood as Oliva began snuffling at my neck. I handed the baby up to her and waited while she processed the information. She deftly whipped a nursing blanket over her shoulder and put Olivia to her breast after a little fumbling.
“You haven’t read the book?” Emma asked finally, looking me in the eye for the first time in a while.
“No. He doesn’t want me to read it. And he doesn’t want you to read it, either.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans-clad thighs.
“Why would I want to read that?” A tear rolled down Emma’s cheek. “I don’t even want to know this much. Is Daddy okay? I know this was years ago, but is he okay?”
“He’s seeing someone about it.” That was the only reassurance I could give her. Neil sure wasn’t “okay” with what had happened, by any stretch of the imagination. “He never really dealt with any of it. I don’t think he intended to.”
“That sounds like him.” She shook her head, more tears spilling as she closed her eyes. “I understand why he wouldn’t have told me this, but why didn’t he tell me he was bi? Was he just not bringing guys home? Because of me?”
“I don’t know that for sure.” It was times like these that I wished I’d inherited my mom’s talent for comforting words. “There’s one last thing.”
Her eyes widened. “Sophie, I don’t know if I can take any more today.” With her free hand, Emma swiped at the wet track on her cheek.
“I’m sorry. It’s just one more tiny thing.” I tried to remember exactly what Neil’s words had been. “Your dad is afraid that you knowing this will change the way you think of him. And he doesn’t want that.”
“My dad is an idiot if he thinks I’m going to be angry or hurt over any of this. With him, at least,” she added. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be over what Uncle Stephen has done.”
“That’s between you and your family,” I said, holding my hands up. “I’m going to stay out of it. But, for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry, Emma. Nobody likes hearing that their loved ones aren’t the way they seemed to be.”
“This is a little more than that.” Emma held Olivia tighter. “The fact that Dad has been walking around with this for years…and, now, to have it written in what I frankly thought was a tacky-sounding book in the first place… I can’t imagine what he must be going through.”
“He’s going to be okay. He’s stopped drinking, and he’s going to therapy. That’s really all that we can do at the moment.”
“He stopped drinking?” Emma’s eyebrows knitted together. “Dad has a drinking problem?”
Oh boy. “Emma…there is a lot of stuff your dad doesn’t tell you, because he doesn’t want to hurt you. I know that’s insulting because you’re a grown adult, but you’re always going to be his little girl.”
Olivia squawked, and Emma adjusted her position. “Is there any other secret my father is hiding from me? Is his cancer back? Is he being indicted for tax fraud? Are the two of you moving to Malaysia?”
“I promise, he’s not hiding anything else.” Now that we’d had the big, awkward discussion, my appetite had returned. I reached for the platter she’d slid onto the coffee table. “I think you should probably give your dad a call today, though. Let him know that we talked, and tell him how you feel. But, I have to warn you, he’s extremely fragile, even though he’ll play it off like he’s fine.”
“I would expect no less,” Emma said with a roll of her eyes. “Thank you, Sophie. I really appreciate you telling me, since my dad couldn’t. Does Mom know?”
“She does. But, if you need to talk to her about it, I would appreciate it if you asked your dad’s permission, first.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive her.” Emma’s gaze darted to mine. “All these years, we’ve still been having Christmas and birthdays and flying out to Scotland to visit him…and she knew all this time? How can she look him in the face?”
That, I couldn’t answer for her. I couldn’t even think of it. I wanted to be mad at Valerie, but I didn’t know when she’d found out, or what the circumstances were with her brother. I didn’t want to know. Were it me, I would have cut ties with Stephen immediately. “I don’t know. That’s something you’d have to ask her.”
As for myself, I had questions of my own for Valerie. That evening, after a tearful phone call to Neil, Emma headed home with a tired baby. I decided I should be with Neil, no matter the late hour or the fact that I had to be back in the city at ass o’clock in the morning.