“There are five of us,” Rudy said, frowning. “Why are there six lanterns?”
“One is Olivia’s,” I explained. “I was hoping we’d be able to make this a tradition, and do it every year. At least while Olivia is growing up.”
“Or we burn someone’s house down and go to jail,” Neil added cheerfully.
The moist beach made walking in my sandals a little difficult. Though it was pretty cold, I kicked my shoes off at the fence line and dug my toes into the sand.
“Young lady, you will die of pneumonia,” Rudy scolded with a roll of his eyes.
The lanterns were larger than I had expected. When I’d seen them in the air before, they’d looked handkerchief sized. Instead, each was about as big as a wasp’s nest, and oval in shape. Valerie held the first one, and Neil took a lighter from his pocket, protectively cupping his hand around the flame. He lit the fuel cell from beneath the lantern, and we watched as the thin white paper illuminated from within. The sides rustled, and as smoke began to curl from the top, Valerie gave a gentle upward push and the lantern rose into the night sky.
We sent them off one by one, each floating over the sea and out of sight while we stood on the beach and watched them disappear. I expected someone to say something really profound; instead, we all just stood around in companionable silence until it became too cold to linger. I retrieved my shoes on the way back to the house and made a point not to complain about the fact I couldn’t feel my toes. I didn’t need Rudy’s gloating, thank you very much.
There wasn’t much to do after that. We chatted a bit, and Rudy was the first to say goodbye. That prompted Valerie and Laurence to follow suit.
“Grandma will miss you,” Valerie cooed to Olivia. I felt a bit guilty that she hadn’t been spending as much time with the baby as we were, but we’d all agreed that, for right now, having a routine was of utmost importance. In the future, we’d send Olivia to stay weekends with Valerie, but for now, she only rarely got the chance to come out to Long Island.
“Maybe she could come stay with you, sometime,” I offered. “Now that things probably seem more…normal.”
“I’d like that,” Valerie said with a grateful smile.
I wanted to hug her and promise her that I would never, ever try to take her place in her granddaughter’s life, but that wasn’t how Valerie and I operated.
After they left, I sighed in relief. “I know it was my idea, and I’m glad you got to have a good night with your friends, but wow, I forgot how exhausting it was to be around other humans.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.” He scooped Olivia from my arms, and she rubbed her chubby face into his neck, already nodding off.
“Oh, wow,” I whispered. “She isn’t even fighting it.”
“We should expose her to hypothermia every night,” Neil whispered back. He cradled the back of her head in his big hand so it wouldn’t loll off his shoulder. “I’ll go put her down. With any luck, I can do it without waking her.”
“Oh my gosh, we could actually have a peaceful night?” I laughed in relief at the idea.
“I wouldn’t say peaceful,” he said with an arched brow.
What the fuck?.
I had no idea how to interpret that wink whatsoever. We hadn’t slept together in over three months.
“Um.” I decided in an instant that I was not going to go to bed and lay there, hoping in vain
that he would make an advance, wondering when he would be interested again. “I don’t mean to be… Are you…”
“I am. I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” He said it the way the old Neil would have said it.
My stomach tickled like I’d gone over a weird hill in a car. I practically sprinted to the bedroom. Having sex with Neil used to be so natural, a part of our lives I took for granted because it was just always there. Now, I was as unsure of myself as…
Well, as unsure of myself as I had been the first time we’d had sex, almost a decade ago.
I went through my lingerie drawers in the closet, listening for any indication that Neil might be returning. I wanted to make him thirst for me from the moment he laid eyes on me. We’d spent the last few months in our sweatpants-and-sadness depressive phase. Maybe he didn’t see me the way he used to see me.
That would have to change tonight. If he was ready, so was I.
I chose a black silk Carine Gilson chemise with a gold and white floral motif and a black lace hem. It was sexy and delicate, but not over the top. Nothing that would put pressure on him. I could just as easily go to sleep in it.
Pulling the pins from my hair, I bent at the waist and combed my fingers through, trying to scrunch some life back into it. I checked myself out in the trifold mirror. Not too bad.
“Sophie?”