“I’m not leaving. If you’re thinking of asking me to, I can’t.” He reads my mind.
“I want to so badly, but I can’t seem to make myself ask.”
“Then don’t, because I’d have to say no. And I never want to say no to you.”
“Oh, Shaw.” My breath hitches and I work hard to calm down.
My heart races so fast that I’m certain he can feel it against his own chest.
“I’m sorry doesn’t scratch the surface of how I feel right now. But it’s the only thing that comes to mind. I never meant for this to happen. I’d do anything in this world to change that night, the bad decision, and the ending result.”
“How did this happen, Shaw?” I free my arms and lift away, bracing on his chest. He doesn’t let me go far. Our faces are inches apart as his eyes lock with mine, and I see the pain and turmoil staring back.
“Sex. I had sex with her. It was a meaningless, unfulfilling, eventless fuck. I was so drunk, I don’t even remember.”
“And you didn’t wear protection?”
“Of course I did. That I am one-hundred percent sure of. Apparently it didn’t work.”
“When?” The word squeaks out. “When did you sleep with her?”
More pain flashes across his face, and he drops his eyes, breaking our stare. “Three weeks before we got together. It was the night of your blind date. The three of us made a night of it, going out to make sure you were safe. When you left and we knew you were home, I got shit-faced. Sasha was a convenience, always was.”
His eyes pop open as what he said dawns on me. “Always was? What does that mean?”
“Shit.”
This time, I use all my strength to break apart, moving away from him and curling in a ball in the corner of the sofa. He reaches for me, but I shake my head. “Tell me everything. Don’t leave anything out. If you ever loved me, give me this. Don’t soften the blow.”
He throws his head back and starts talking. Each word is like a stab to my heart. I listen intently, fading back to the fourteen year old who was ridiculed in school because Sasha Crane declared a war on me. Cancer or not, she was a ruthless, heartless bitch.
From his story, it seems she hasn’t changed. Now, we can add manipulative to the list of all her glowing traits.
When he’s done, I notice he’s winded, his chest heaving with beads of sweat rolling down his temple. The nurse in me gets concerned about his blood pressure as his face turns an unnatural shade of red.
I leap up and run to the kitchen, racing back with a bottle of water and shoving it into his shaking palms.
“Take slow sips and try to breathe deep.” I wipe the sweat off his face with my shirt.
“I’m okay.” He struggles to say. “It actually feels good to get it off my chest. My plan was to tell you on Friday night when everyone left. It was eating me up inside, and you deserved to know what was going on. I kept telling myself I was protecting you.”
His arms circle around my waist, his face resting against my stomach.
“Bizzy, I had no idea of your history. Mathis brought it up before we left for Tampa, the day he figured out my feelings for you had grown. He warned me, and I was disgusted. It was over though; I never planned to see her again. You have to believe me; she was faceless to me. She still is.”
My hands rest on his head, my fingers threading though his silky hair. He hugs me tighter to him.
“Shaw, it all makes sense—the sex, the timeline, the pregnancy. But I saw something on your face the other night, and it wasn’t just the way you locked eyes with Mathis. It was more. When you looked at me, it was a confirmation of sorts. That’s how I knew. But what makes you so sure this is your baby?”
“Exactly as you described. With her parting words on Friday, it was the way Sasha looked at me. She’s still a haughty, selfish, arrogant, conceited bitch. There’s no denying it, but in that small millisecond, something changed. It was like she was pleading with me to believe her.
“I’ve been praying nonstop for so many things since this all started, but most recently, I’ve concentrated on two things. One is you don’t leave me. The other is that I am wrong, and the baby isn’t mine.”
My knees go weak with the raw need in his tone. I sink back into his lap, tugging his hair until he’s looking at me.
“I’m not mad at you for having a life before me. I’m not stupid. A man like you has needs, and even though I hated thinking about it, I’ve always known you had a sex life. Never did I think you’d be with Sasha Crane, but I can see it. You’re both beautiful people with successful law careers. You two make more sense than us.”
He goes stiff, his nostrils flaring, and I find myself being crushed against him.