“Next week? Are you kidding me? I had
to reschedule things, too, but this is more important. I actually had a chance to go in today, but arranged for later to help give you notice. I figured you’d be heading home anyway since Thanksgiving is next week and Nick has a game on Sunday. This will give us a chance to talk as well. You’ve been gone a while.”
She’s prying, and I close my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. She did this on purpose. Even without actually confirming with words, she knows I am with Bizzy. This is an attempt to make me lose my cool, so she can use it against me in front of a judge, if it comes to that.
“You’re right, Sasha. That was insensitive. You caught me off-guard, working on an endorsement deal. I’ll see what I can do. What time?”
“Four-thirty. Do you want to pick me up?”
“No, I’ll meet you at the doctor’s office. I’ll work on a flight now.”
“Should we invite your parents?”
“No!” I say a little too harshly and fight to calm back down. “What I mean is, I don’t want to get their hopes up in case it doesn’t work out. We’ll do this alone, then share the news.”
“Okay, that’s probably wise. Although, I’m sure my mom will still come.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I’m so excited to get this step out of the way, so I can finally set up a proper registry. It’s been frustrating, trying to decide on baby gift items not knowing the sex.” She goes back to her obnoxious self and shows exactly why she’s ready to find out.
“I was under the impression that gender neutral was mainstream nowadays,” I stupidly reply. Why I try to reason with her is beyond me.
“Ren! Where’d you hear that? One of your ridiculous baby books? For some people, it’s fine. But for people like us, it’s expected to know the gender, so we can plan accordingly.”
“Christ, Sasha.”
“Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m too ready to get the ball rolling.”
There’s nothing left to say but appease her enough to get off the phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the appointment.”
“If you get in early, I’d really appreciate it if you’d pick me up for once. We can do this fully together.”
“I’ll let you know,” I lie and hang up, throwing my phone across the desk.
How the hell am I going to do this? For the first time in months, I’m at a loss. Usually, I’d take the priority approach and choose my client meetings and games based on importance. But choosing between my unborn child and Bizzy isn’t a choice. Both need me.
I break down and do something I haven’t done in years.
Call my mom for advice.
“I’d expect nothing less than this. You know that, right?” Bizzy mumbles into my neck as I squeeze her tighter.
“It doesn’t make it any better, baby. I’m dying inside.”
“Stop dying. This is really important.” She tries to step away, but I can’t let go, kissing along her head. My chest tightens at the disappointment in her voice.
“I love you. I’ll call as soon as I can and be on the first plane back here. I’m not missing your birthday.”
“It’s only a birthday. They happen every year.”
“Bizzy, I’m going to do everything in my power to be back.”
She stays quiet, and I get a sinking feeling in my gut. “What’s on your mind? What aren’t you telling me?”
When her eyes meet mine, it takes all my strength to remain standing. There’s so much fear and sadness written on her face. “I can’t shake this feeling that everything’s about to change. That our life together is an illusion, and after the appointment today, things will be different.”
“That’s bullshit. Wipe those thoughts from your mind. I love you and nothing is going to change that.”