“You better not, remember we’re splitting a room. No more hairy ass wake up calls for me.”
“That was one time!”
“Still have nightmares about the poodle I was sure he sat on.” I double over laughing at my own joke. If I’m blessed to live to one-hundred, I’ll never forget walking into my kitchen one morning and seeing Quinn wrapped up on the couch with her date from the night before. Before I could stop myself, I screamed because his ass was bare and I swear the way his balls were hanging made it look like he had a toupee down there. He jumped up quickly, which put his whole package on display. He was just a hairy guy.
“Fucking Devon, it wasn’t that bad!”
I’m laughing too hard to respond. The tears running down my cheeks are now happy tears. Quinn starts giggling with me and soon we are both gasping, trying to catch our breaths.
“Okay, smartass. Since you started it, let’s play the game.”
“No way!”
“Oh yeah, bitch. It’s only fair.”
“You know what? You’re right—I’ll give you four. That’s it.”
“Four will do because I’m picking my favorites.”
“If you have favorites that means you already know the problem. Why do you love this game?”
“Because it’s fucking hilarious. How do we both continue to pick up the weirdest guys on a campus of twenty four thousand?”
“Don’t know, but go. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be alone.”
“Mmmm, where should I start? Let’s go with Mandel.”
“That’s easy, it was the curry. He smelled like curry. It oozed out of his body like he bathed in the shit. When he tried to kiss me I almost threw up in his mouth. It took me a week to get the smell off me.”
“I love that! Tell me about Bobby again?”
“He humped my back! Don’t you remember? We were lying on the couch and he started moving weird. He thought I was asleep, which is creepy in itself, but then he finished, reached over me for a Kleenex and then tried to snuggle.
“Then there’s Eli, who had awesome lips. Sad that he didn’t know how to use them. At all.”
Roars come through the phone as Quinn continues to laugh.
“Want to hear about Philip again?”
Her snort is my answer.
“When he slid his hand down my pants, he went for the wrong spot. I had to redirect his fingers, which still didn’t help his cause.”
“Stop! Stop! I remember that chump. God, he was good to look at but no skills. I thought guys learned that when they went through puberty.”
“I’m not going back for seconds.”
“Oh my God, Devon, I have a great idea. Let’s create a manual on the female anatomy as a coffee table book.”
“That’s disgusting, but brilliant. We can start on that when we get back from Miami. We can even put instructional slides. I can see it now. If you want to date me and get past second base, please read this manual first.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” an angry growl comes from the patio door and I whip around. Bryce is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed looking extremely pissed.
“Danger, Will Robinson! I must go, we are no longer alone,” I say quietly into the phone.
“Okay, be careful, remember what I said. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too.” I hang up and turn back to Bryce. Quinn’s words ring through my head and I smile at him.