Finding Our Course (Finding our Way 3)

“Do you believe me that nothing happened?”

“Did you call her beautiful and talented?”

His already ashen face falls, and I know I’m not going to like the answer.

“Yes, but not in the way she portrayed.”

“Beautiful and talented can’t really be taken out of context.”

“I’m an idiot and take full blame.”

“Tell me all of it.”

“We all scheduled to meet for a drink after work Wednesday. There’s a bunch of us who have a college football pool going. Liza showed up, and she was torn up about a confrontation she had earlier with a colleague. She joined us, and by ten, we were the only two left. She unloaded on me, and I tried to reassure her she had a place in command. She said something along the lines of always feeling frumpy because of the uniform and being a slacker because she didn’t have a degree. I made an off handed comment that she was beautiful and talented and shouldn’t let people get to her.”

Somehow, even with the situation, this doesn’t upset me. That’s one of the reasons why I love Bryce; he respects hard work and always tries to boost self- confidence.

“Telling people the truth is a part of your charm,” I tell him honestly.

He hmpfts. “Yeah, until she turned it around on me.”

“That’s what I can’t understand. You’ve been manipulated before. You’ve seen the consequences. She’s been a problem since day one! I’ve told you repeatedly, but you kept making excuses for her. Goddammit, Bryce, I’m fucking furious! You may not have actually done anything with that skanky, nasty, calculating bitch, but you put yourself in a situation that allowed her to pounce. She’s been waiting for her chance. For months, we’ve had words about her. Even Nate knew she was up to no good, but you blew it off. What did you think would happen? Didn’t you see any of this?” I scream.

“No, I didn’t see it because she means nothing to me! I kept telling you that! I was a stupid, blind, fucking dumbass. No one hurts more than me right now. I hate myself for what I’ve allowed to happen,” he yells back, his face turning red. He balls his hands into fists and then pounds one on his knee.

We sit quietly, his heavy breathing filling the room.

“Tell me the rest. I need to hear it all,” I finally say.

He looks up, and his eyes pin mine. “I should have paid closer attention to you at Christmas. You were right to be suspicious.

“The night at Tommy’s was a blur. We’d had a great test procedure on the ship and were all hyped. We went to a bar, but then Tommy insisted we carry the party back to his house. I should have come home with Nate, but he had plans with Jamie, and I missed you so fucking much I didn’t want to be alone. Watching you on TV at the game with those guys seemed like a good idea. It’s always fun to brag about you being mine, so I accepted the invitation.

“We did shots all night. Liza was overly affectionate, but I tried to ignore her. I made the mistake of getting drunk. Somewhere along the line, I realized no one was surprised by her aggressive behavior. My mind was spinning, and I knew it wasn’t right, so I asked Tommy if I could crash. You know the rest. I swear to God, I don’t remember kissing her even if it was a peck. In my dreams, it was you. It’s always you. Your bright green eyes, the soft blonde hair, the pouty lips— you are all I dream of. I’m disgusted with myself.”

“Oh, Bryce.” I curl into my knees. His pain slashes through me, and I weaken a little, realizing we’re both victims here.

“Devon, can I come to the bed? I need to be near you.”

I don’t answer but nod, still lying in my fetal position.

He crawls in front of me, wraps his arms around me, and presses his body firmly against mine. We sit like this for a while, me trembling with rage, hurt, and hate. Several times, his breathing increases as he fights his own fury.

He squeezes then leans back, gently lifting my chin. His eyes swim in pure agony and anguish. I lean into his forehead and suck in hard, trying to control my breathing.

“Jealousy, envy, immaturity… whatever I felt toward her, you knew, and yet you still put yourself in a position for this to happen. That’s not fair to me. Regardless of her motives, I need to be able to trust you! I can’t go through this ever again. The thought of you both naked, her mouth on you while you got off, in the living room of people I thought were our friends?

“Do you have ANY idea what that did to me? Knowing you were with her at all??

??

“I’m so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry. I should have listened to you. You were right the whole time. I misjudged the situation and did what I swore would never happen again. I swore you’d never hurt because of me. She’s officially out of my life. Forever. There’s no more pity or sympathy. She’s dead to me. Tell me you’re not leaving me.”

“I’m not leaving you,” I rasp. “I’m really fucking angry, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Without another word, he curls around me again and lets out a deep breath. Then he starts to shake. There are no tears, only silent cries of relief. I grip harder and sob into him. We don’t let go as we try to heal the heartbreak.

Chapter 28