Surrendering (Surrender 1)

“Raven, I want to talk first. I have this weight on my shoulders that I need to get off. When I’m done, you can ask any question you want. But for now, I want to explain what happened after the gala. Is that okay?”

I shake my head. I’m no longer feeling hungry, but since he made such and effort I start on the salad and wait for him to continue.

“The night I came over smashed, I had made plans earlier to meet with Cooper to go over some band stuff. We met up and had a few beers while we discussed things. Sami walked in and sat next to me with a folder in her hand. She pushed the pictures over to me and goaded me on about your relationship with the guys in them. I knew Robbie and your dad, but I was insanely jealous about Max and Finn. Cooper suggested I talk to you, but I proceeded to get drunk. I ignored Sami the rest of the night– I promise you. Every time she tried to talk to me I blew her off.”

I listen to him and know I believe him, but I can’t understand why he didn’t talk to me. Without me asking, he answers the question.

“I know it’s not a good excuse, but when I saw those printouts and how stunning you looked, I couldn’t take it. I became more possessive than I ever thought I could be. I’ve never had girlfriends before and I sure as shit never hung out with my sisters’ friends. So I couldn’t understand the relationship between Finn and Max. I felt like I’d been punched. Then I felt like a pussy for caring.”

He stops to sip his wine, “Let me back up to the night of the gala. When Ella sent me the text with your picture, I talked to the bar manager about cutting our set short and making up for it another time. I flew home and packed an overnight bag. I tried to find the closest shirt I could to match your dress.”

That explains why we matched! I sit back with my wine and wait for him to continue.

“I’ve never wanted a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how to handle those feelings. When I was faced with those pictures, I flipped out. I jumped to the conclusion you were playing me. I didn’t stop to think and I didn’t want to look like a pussy. Even when I woke up hung-over as shit on Monday, I knew I had made a mistake. I was on my way to take a shower and come to your house when Sami rang the bell. I didn’t invite her in, I swear, but she followed me. Then you showed up and wouldn’t let me say a damn word. When you drove away, I kicked her out of my house.

“Then I got drunk again. When I showed up on Monday night to talk to you and found you gone, I felt so lost. I’ve never felt that lost in my whole life. Abbi talked me into taking a shower to sober up, but I knew I’d fucked up, possibly beyond repair. I’m so sorry, Raven. I need you to believe me when I say that I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back.”

I see his sincerity and pain. Not everyone understands the life I’ve lived and the people I surround myself with. I should have told him about my family sooner.

I get up and walk around to him without a word. I take his face in my hands and kiss him slowly. He rubs his hands up and down my arms, but let’s me control the kiss.

I pull away so I can look into his eyes, “I’m back.”

I see the relief go through his body and the happiness is etched on his face.

“Thank fucking Christ. If you didn’t forgive me soon, I was going to turn into a bona fide stalker. I already had your school, dance, and yoga schedules, not to mention all your friends’ numbers. I wasn’t ready to give up on you.”

“Declan, shut up and kiss me before I think about all the crazy ass things you just said.”

He lifts me up and walks me to the other edge of the counter. He places his body between my legs. Before I know it, my shirt is un-tucked and his hands are running up my sides. He must feel my goose bumps because he grins against my mouth. As much as I want to continue, I break away.

“Um, don’t we need to clean up the kitchen?”

“Later,” he grunts.

“I think we’ll be busy later. I’d much rather get it out of the way now.”

“Raven, am I going too fast for you?”

“No, it’s just that I have a surprise for you.”

He raises his eyebrow and I see his lips twitch.

“I don’t have school tomorrow. So technically, I don’t have to leave your house until tomorrow night or Tuesday for class. So if we clean up the kitchen now, we don’t have to leave the bedroom for approximately thirty-eight hours…” He doesn’t let me finish.

“You convinced me. You load the dishwasher and I‘ll put away the leftovers. We can leave the pots soaking for a while.”

“You know spaghetti is also delicious the next day. We don’t have far to go for lunch.”

“I thought you said we were staying in bed?”

“Nourishment and liquids are mandatory. Otherwise, we don’t have to leave.”

He’s finishes way before I do and disappears down the hall. I hear some sort of music start up in the other room and then he’s right back in front of me. Without a word, he picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and hovers over me before diving at my mouth.

Before I can blink, we’re both tearing each other's clothes off. He lifts up to help me push his jeans and boxers down. I drink in his whole body, complete perfection. I lick my lips thinking about being with him. He catches on pretty quick and flips me on top. He adjusts so his hardness is pressed up against my (now drenched) panties. I inadvertently slide over him and he moans.

“Raven, as much as I want to, we are not having sex tonight.”