Surviving (Surrender 2)

I’m thankful we have the small furniture. Because of my size, I have to sit her on my lap for both of us to spread out comfortably. She doesn’t protest but snuggles across me and sips her champagne.

“Where should I start? What do you want to hear first? My job, my boss, the sightseeing adventures??

?

“Start from the beginning and tell me as much as possible.”

She gives me the smile I will never tire of seeing and launches into her trip. After an hour, I’m relaxed and comfortable for the first time since she left. She yawns and I realize she has been up for close to twenty-four hours.

“Baby, let’s get ready for bed. You’re exhausted.”

“I guess I am. I didn’t realize it, but I have been up almost an entire day. I wanted to push the limits so I could get back on our time. And I bet I’ve bored you to death with my rambling.”

“Raven, never. Hearing all this makes me happy. I wanted to know what you were doing every second you were away from me. I stopped calling and texting every day to give you your space, but I never stopped wondering.”

She doesn’t say anything but goes to our suitcase to grab her nightie and then to the bathroom.

I get ready for bed quickly wondering if I should shave before we go to sleep. I want to kiss every inch of her body but don’t want to leave marks. The hotel service has already pulled back the bed for us and placed bottled water on the bedside tables, so I fidget waiting for her to get out of the bathroom.

When she opens the door and walks out my heart drops to the floor. There are no words to describe her. I’m at a loss for breath watching her get into bed.

I can’t stand it anymore; I hop on the bed and crawl up her body until our faces are inches apart. We’re breathing the same air, and I smell the fresh mint from her toothpaste.

“You are so fucking sexy. If I don’t kiss you, I may literally die.”

She looks apprehensive but sticks out her tongue to lick her lower lip. Since we are so close, she grazes my lip ring. Her eyes grow wide, and I see the desire reflecting back at me. I take her mouth slow at first kissing every inch of her lips and then our tongues meet. I prop on my elbows and grab her neck with my hands. She starts to pull back, but I hold tighter and she slides her arms between us and hugs me close. Her legs wrap around my waist, and I can feel her heat through my shorts. I need to feel her closer, so I lift us up to where I’m leaning back on my calves, and she’s completely wrapped around me. I run my hands up and down the slick fabric of the satin, and she whimpers against my mouth. This is not just a homecoming kiss; this is a kiss declaring apology, regret, acceptance, and forgiveness. I only pull back because I’m scared I’m going to suffocate her.

“Jesus Christ!” I pull her as close as I can so she can feel how affected I am. “Do you feel me?”

She giggles. “Yes, it’s kinda hard to miss.”

“Well, it missed you! Do you know how long it’s been?”

“No, I’m not sure I need to hear either,” she whispers and tries to pull away.

“Hey, what are you thinking? Why are you pulling away?”

“Because I’m not ready to hear about that yet.” She continues to wiggle against me trying to move back.

“Raven what are you talking about?” I hold her firmly.

Her lips start to twitch, and I know she’s about to cry. “I figured you would have had a wild summer. I’m the one who told you we were on a break, so I’m prepared for the consequences.”

It hits me hard in the chest. She thinks I fucked around this summer. “Baby, I didn’t touch another woman. I haven’t been with anyone but you, in any way, since last July when we met. Did you think I would ever be able to replace you? I don’t even look at other women. You’re it for me. Why would you think anything different?”

She shrugs her shoulders but doesn’t answer me. Then it hits me.

“Fucking son of a bitch! I did this didn’t I? I broke your confidence in us.” I let her go and stand up to pace. “You told me, you fucking told me, and I was too confused and focused on Sayge to take you seriously. Now you’re back in my arms thinking I fucked around on you.”

I don’t wait for her response but turn toward the bathroom and slam the door. I stick my head under the cold water trying to calm my anger. Thinking back on the last few hours, I recognize how shy she’s been around me and her hesitancy. The Raven I knew was loving, carefree, vibrant, and spoke her mind. The woman in that bed is scared to even kiss me. I wish Finn were here so he could kick my ass. I hear the sniffs coming from the other room and feel guilty for making her cry. I calm down and go back to her.

She’s turned off all the lights except for my bedside lamp. I crawl in and pull her from her fetal position into me. Her body is stiff against mine. “Raven, come to me and let it out. I know your crying, cry on me. I can’t believe I did this to us. I thought just being together tonight would magically fix us, but I didn’t realize my monumental fuck up was so deep.”

“It wasn’t just your fuck up. I fucked up too. You didn’t break the confidence, I think I did that. But regardless, I’ve had a pretty emotional week and even more emotional day.”

“Tell me something, why did you think I cheated on you while you were gone?”

“I’m not sure. I saw a few pictures that made me uncomfortable and then Charlie said she saw a girl leaving the bus one night really late. I couldn’t say anything because I told you we were on a break.”