“Across country to say goodbye to the men that died that day. Maybe visit with their families.”
Now my heart breaks for him. It should be me by his side when he does this. My throat clogs with emotions, and I can only n
od.
“Come here, Ember.” He lifts an arm to me.
I scramble into his lap and cling tightly to him. He kisses my forehead, at my scar, and squeezes my waist. We don’t say anything, but I melt into his warmth. As much as I want to plead with him to stay and work through this, it’s useless. He’s leaving. I may have lost him forever.
Chapter 45
Time Stands Still
Ember
I zip my bag and look around his room one last time. Memories haunt me as I choke down a sob. Crying won’t help anything. It will only be another reminder of how badly I screwed up my life. This time, there’s no one to blame but myself.
Robbie left yesterday morning without another goodbye. His note said he’d call when he was ready to talk. But I know better. He’s already made up his mind, and I can’t blame him. I’m poison to him. My entire being mourns the loss.
I’ve picked up my phone to text or call him at least a hundred times since he left, but each time have stopped myself. This is his time. He deserves to make this journey without the constant reminder of me. Of us.
Yesterday, I went to work and tried to function. Because of all the drama, no one thought it was out of character for me to be quiet. For the first time in a week, Cruz acknowledged me on his own. Things weren’t completely back to normal, but it was something. When I got home last night, I made the decision to leave. Even though I want to be surrounded by memories of him, it would be too selfish for me to stay here. He needs to get back to his life before I ruined it.
I leave his house with no clear direction. Staying with any of my family is out of the question. Everyone’s anger is still too raw. Since all of my friends are tied to Robbie, they’re not options.
I pull into the Residence Inn and decide to stay here for a few days until I have a better plan. Lucky for me, they have a room available for the week so I won’t have to move each night. I don’t unpack anything, but instead, crawl into bed and stare at the wall. My mind goes into a state of nothingness. I’m not hungry, not thirsty. I don’t care about anything at all. The only thing that matters left me.
Day four of being without Robbie hurts the worst. Maybe because I’d convinced myself he was going to call at some point, but still no word. My heart breaks more and more with each passing minute, my depression spreading deeper.
When I’m not at work, I’m curled in a ball on the hotel bed, staring at the same wall. My sleep is scattered because, when I close my eyes, he invades my dreams. It’s as if my brain is a shrine to all things Robbie Hayes- his smile, his laugh, the way he felt against my body each night. Nothing can stop the memories.
The only thing I took from his place was my favorite shirt of his. I slip into it each night and feel him around me. At some point, it’s going to need washing and I dread the day. The smell of him will be washed away, and then I’ll have nothing else.
The store phone rings right as the bell over the door chimes. I freeze when Raven walks in with Declan behind her. They both look at me sadly as I answer the phone and confirm the customer’s order. Seeing them sets my nerves on edge.
Cruz greets them, and I do everything I can to keep busy on the phone. When I’m forced to hang up, they’re staring at me.
“Hi,” I say meekly.
“Hey,” Raven responds.
No one else speaks as we lapse into an uncomfortable silence.
“How are you?” Declan asks.
“I’m okay. How are you?”
Raven walks directly to me and takes me into her arms gently. “How are you holding up?”
“I’ve been better.” I don’t lie.
“Ember, talk to me. I’m your friend.”
At her words, I allow a tear to fall but quickly wipe it away. “I hurt like hell, but it’s my fault he’s gone.”
They look at me with sad, sympathetic eyes as I tell them about my last conversation with Robbie. The only thing I leave out is moving into a hotel.
Cruz’s jaw ticks, presumably because I kept this all from him.