“That image drove me out into the ninety-degree heat. Combined with the humidity, it had felt more like a hundred when I’d first driven home. But the awful emptiness attacking me right then made me oblivious to the elements.
“It came to me what a mistake it had been to allow the Olsens to share space in the rectory with me. Since I was the only ordained priest serving the parish, I’d thought the practical thing to help solve their newlywed financial worries was to let them live there for a time and pay a modest rent.
“But as I’d already found out, two people in love can’t stay away from each other no matter how hard they try. Such a thing isn’t possible. Seeing Kay in Rick’s arms drove that point home as never before.
“It wasn’t the first time I’d managed to come upon them when they didn’t know I was there. I knew it wouldn’t be the last. They’d been like honeymooners since moving in, though they’d always been very careful not to be demonstrative in front of me.
“As I drove away from the house, I realized I had to do something about an untenable situation. After you left Cannon, I awakened every day to a void that was yawning deeper and blacker.”
So did I.
They stared at each other. “What a bitter irony that part of my ministry involves counseling people on a constant basis, yet it’s the counselor who’s in crisis now.
“I thought if I could find information about you—if I knew you belonged to someone else—maybe the knowledge would help extinguish the flame that’s been burning hotter and brighter despite everything I’ve done to put forbidden thoughts away.”
He drew in a harsh breath. “You have the kind of beauty that makes a man stop in his tracks. I couldn’t imagine you not being married after this long a time. I figured you might even have a child.”
Now Sydney’s breathing had grown ragged.
“I never believed I could cross the line to get involved with a married woman. I could never have imagined sinking as low as my own father. Yet after labeling him with silent accusations, I realized I wasn’t that different from him in my thoughts. I despised myself for my weakness where you’re concerned, Sydney.
“In my resolve to have answers one way or the other, I drove to the high school. Out of desperation I used one of my parishioners, Jeanine, who works in the office, to get me the information I needed.
“I told her a deliberate lie. But I had an excuse, I beg you to forgive me because I had to find you.” His voice throbbed.
“While Jeanine did some detective work, she thought that you might be teaching in a nearby town, but I doubted it.
“After the way we’d parted, I had the gut feeling you’d moved out of state and were now married to a man who enjoyed all the privileges of being your husband…including the right to share with you what Rick and Kay had been doing earlier.”
Jarod’s words sent a thrill of desire through Sydney’s body.
“During the torturous wait, I determined that if you were married, I would go on retreat to Europe for a couple of months’ renewal and hope for some kind of epiphany that would help me survive the rest of my life without your memory sapping my joy in the work.
“But if by some miracle you hadn’t met a man you wanted to marry yet, then I was at the point where I had to face what it was I really wanted. Even if it meant hurting other people, I knew what I had to do.
“I wanted to be with you,” he said in a deep, husky tone.
She weaved in place.
“The second I learned you were still single and working at Yellowstone, my decision was made. After months of trying to fight my natural desires, it became clear I would never win the struggle.
“I owed my superior all the truth in me when I announced I was leaving the priesthood. The very fact that I could say those words aloud should have made me tremble with fear. Instead, I felt like a real man again at the mere idea of seeing my heart’s desire, again.
“From that moment on, I never looked back.”
Jarod— Could what he was saying really be true?
“It was the measure of how far removed my thoughts were from everything else important to me. Once I’d laid my case before the bishop, I began to make plans.
“I scanned the Yellowstone Park Web site for work possibilities and noticed a link to their Employee Assistance Program. They run a counseling service for their own people. I read the list of skills for the manager position. My qualifications were perfectly suited for the job. Which means I can support you if we decide we want to remain here.
“The head woman, Maureen Scofield, told me it was mine if I wanted it, but I have to let her know soon.”
Sydney knew Maureen well. Jarod would have bowled her over.
He raked his hands through his hair. “So now that you know everything, I’m going to ask you one more time to be my wife.”
Sydney’s heart raced so fast, she could hardly breathe.