Hammer (Regulators MC 2)

Fuck. I never knew rejection could sting so damn badly.

~Desirae~

I can’t help reaching up to touch my bottom lip. Then, freaking out, I run to the bathroom and shut the door.

He kissed me. Hammer kissed me. I wanted him to. I also want him to do so much more.

My lips tingle still, and I can’t get my heart rate to slow down. What is it about the asshole that has me feeling alive again?

It’s not his looks. Yeah, he looks downright lickable on a daily basis, but I can find a good-looking man anywhere. No, there is something about Hammer that makes me want to punch him, kiss him, laugh with him, and just be with him.

Unlike my other patients, he doesn’t back down when I try to lay down the law. Instead, he fights me every step of the way. When I’m with him, even when we are arguing, I feel in the moment. It’s almost like, when I’m with Hammer, I’m trying to soak up all of our moments, afraid they will disappear before I’m ready for them to.

When my sister died, a piece of me died with her. The truth is, I haven’t slept more than two hours since that day in the woods. I close my eyes and see the pain in her face. Nevertheless, I need to focus on my job, not on my losses.

Can I do this? Can I go back out there and face him? He kissed me, and dammit, I wanted it.

Opening the app on my phone, I don’t think as I log in to my bank account. It has been so long since I have had to worry over money that I haven’t checked.

There is enough there to cash in and get myself set up again. The Hellions pay me well. Hammer pays me well and in cash. I could leave. I could save us both the risk of getting in too deep and being stuck together.

Reality crashes in with the cruel reminder that not everything has blown over with Suzie’s murder. Staying in so long, I have this sense of security, but I don’t know if it is real.

The overwhelming need to be free assaults me. Surely, her murderers have figured out by now they got away with it.

The Hellions haven’t been able to sort the exact persons who killed her. The trail went cold. I haven’t been seen, and I most certainly haven’t talked to the cops since I learned who Suzie used to associate with, who her ex was.

The killers, the drama, the whole situation—they have to know by now that I’m not worth the trouble.

I have seen enough criminal movies. I could find someone to give me a new identity. I could get a job waiting tables that mainly pays cash.

To work at a gym or at a medical facility, I would have to show my certifications, which would trail back to me. If I leave here, I leave the last thing in life I love: my job. I can’t do that. I won’t do it. I have given up enough. I lost my sister, my friends, my home. I am not giving up my career, too.

Hammer may be tough as nails, but I’m stronger. This attraction and flirtation we have ends today. He is my patient, and my job is to get him mobile again.

Steeling my nerves, I step out into the living room, but Hammer is gone. I go around the common areas of the apartment, but he is not here. Either he has holed up in his room or he left. Whichever he decided is fine by me.

We need space. We need time. We both crossed a line.

I feel like a woman in a romance novel. I gave into my attraction. He was there, I was there, and we just came together effortlessly. The moment was rich, the timing right. When his lips pressed to mine, fireworks exploded behind my eyelids. Our magical moment, our tongues entwined. My pulse picked up as my heart began to beat in rhythm with his. I knew, from this moment on, we were meant to be.

I am stronger than this. I am stronger than my attraction to the seriously sexy, badass biker. I am stronger than allowing myself to get sucked into the way he challenges me.

Is this what it is like for men? The thrill of the chase and all that shit? Is that my draw to Hammer?

He challenges my mind and my body in a way no one has ever before, but it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I’m here to do a job.

As my mind runs crazy with thoughts of leaving here, even if I don’t know when that can happen, I start to clean. It’s what I do when I’m nervous, angry, or feel like life is out of control.